According to statistics, casual sex is on the rise. A study of 18- to 25-year-olds found that while the percentage of those having casual sex in the late 80s to mid-90s was roughly 30 percent, between 2004 to 2012, that amount went up to over 40 percent. It’s safe to say that we’re living in an era where casual sex is becoming the norm, and with apps like Tinder, it’s easier than ever. While one-night stands and NSA sex is great and something that’s indeed enjoyable, it’s also something that both people should agree upon. There’s nothing worse than “dating” someone and thinking it’s going somewhere, when in reality the other person is just interested in sex. It not only knocks your self-esteem down several notches, making you question why they don't love you, but if you’re not into it for just the sex too, it can be heartbreaking. You’ve invested time in this person, while they’re investing time in other people.
But once you strip the denial from the equation, you can finally see what your relationship with this particular person really is and be able to tell if someone is interested in just sex and nothing more. Here are nine clear signs.
1. They’re More Concerned With Your Looks Than Your Brain
While there’s no denying that personality wins over in the long run, when it comes to sex, it’s more about attraction than anything else. If that sex is superficial in nature, that the person doesn’t even care about chemistry, then what they’re going to focus on is your physical beauty. Instead of telling you how much of an intellectual you are or how your take on world politics is turning them on, a la sapiosexual, they’ll just tell you how hot and sexy you are.
2. You Never Actually Go Out
Although a perfect date might seem like lounging on the couch with TV and pizza (because who the hell really wants to go out anyway?), actual dates should usually consist of leaving one’s apartment at least sometimes. But if someone is just interested in having sex with you, they’re going to want to stay as close to the bedroom as possible. You could tell them you have tickets to the Red Sox game just behind home plate and they’ll tell you they prefer to stay in.
3. Every Conversation Becomes Sexual At Some Point
One of the tips of dealing with a partner who has a sex drive that's higher than you, is to stop talking about sex. Why? Because talking about it makes you want it, obviously. If you find you can’t get through a single conversation, even one about, say, your dead grandfather, without the other person somehow making it about sex, then that’s a dead giveaway, because, hello? Dead grandpas aren’t sexy.
4. They Never Spend The Night (Or Let You Spend The Night)
Remember how in Bridesmaids Jon Hamm’s character never let Kristen Wiig’s character sleep over? Remember why? Because he just wanted sex. Letting someone sleep over or staying at their place could lead to feelings and maybe even breakfast together, and breakfast together could mean ― oh no ― talking!
5. They Quickly Lose Interest If You’re Not In The Mood
Let’s say they come over, but halfway into your make-out session you just change your mind and want to do something else. If the person you’re “dating” makes a beeline for the door instead of hanging around and enjoying your company, then something is very obvious there.
6. You Don’t Really Know Anything About Them
When you’re having sex, there’s a good chance that you’re not talking about anything outside of sexy talk. In contrast, when you’re dating, you’re talking and actively getting to know someone with a barrage of questions and conversations. It’s in that moment when you say to yourself, “I have no effing clue who this person really is,” that an alarm should go off in your head that screams, “He just wants my body!”
7. There’s No Post-Sex Cuddling
Anyone who’s just into casual sex knows that cuddling is an absolute no-no. Cuddling produces oxytocin that, among other things, leads to pair bonding. When there’s a bond, emotions arise, and suddenly there’s love to contend with. Sex and love are two completely different animals, and someone who has zero interest in love will refrain from any sort of cuddling, either before or after sex.
8. You Realize You’re Not The Only One
If you’re in a relationship, ideally, neither you nor your partner should be seeing anyone else, unless you’re in an open relationship, of course. But if you’re not in a serious relationship, such rules go out the window. It’s when you realize that you’re not the only one they’re spending time with (read: banging) that it should become abundantly clear that this really is all about sex and nothing else.
9. They Tell You ‘This Is Just Sex’
You can’t really argue such brutal honesty, so if you’re not looking for the same thing it’s time to find someone new.
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