If we go by the thousands of movies made, books written, and songs recorded about love, we’re forced to think that there is nothing on this planet as great as love. But, realistically, what is love? And how do you know when you’re in love? Could you possibly think you’re in love, but maybe aren’t in love at all? I know; deep thoughts that perhaps you haven’t had enough coffee for yet.
The cynic in me will tell you that love is just all part of the evolutionary design. When we’re in love, our brains experience the same high as if it were on cocaine, because we need that drive to force ourselves to tell us we’re in love, so we’ll, ideally, settle down and keep the species alive with half a dozen rugrats. (I mentioned I’m a little cynical on the topic, didn’t I?)
But having been in very close relationships with men whom I cared about just as much as I was sexually attracted to them, I realized that simply because something feels like it could be love, doesn’t mean that it is. To help you figure it out, here are seven things that definitely DON’T mean love, even if you’d like to believe otherwise.
1. Sex (Even Lots Of It)
I’m sure you’ve heard before that sex isn’t love. It just isn’t. Even if it’s the greatest sex of your life and your body is overflowing with orgasms, that doesn’t mean love. What it does mean is that you have fantastic sexual chemistry; again, something that isn’t necessarily love.
2. Lust And Infatuation
Although lust and infatuation are definitely part of the love stages in the very beginning, it doesn’t last. From there, you evolve into the attachment phase where infatuation subsides, and it’s more about the relationship for the long term and not just the short term. So unless your lust and infatuation for someone starts to dwindle into attachment be forewarned: It’s definitely not love.
3. An Intimate Connection
If you’re fortune enough, you will have intimate connections with hundreds and hundreds of people. You will find people relatable and in doing so will feel a deep bond with them. Although those moments will be far less than the disconnects you have, every single intimate connection you have with someone doesn’t automatically equate to love.
4. Passion
Some of the most passionate sex and relationships of my life have been with people I wasn’t in love with. Again, this goes back to the whole concept of chemistry and connection. Passion stems from both those things, but they don’t definitely mean you’re in love or they’re in love with you.
5. Butterflies
While butterflies are often regarded as one of the major signs that you’re in love, that’s not always the case. I get butterflies when I think about pizza, when I’m excited about seeing an old friend, or when I’ve bought a new pair of shoes I’ve be been obsessing over. Yes, those things are a form of love, but they’re not the love LOVE that we’re talking about here. Studies have also found that sometimes sexual attraction alone results in butterflies, and sexual attraction doesn't mean love either.
6. Having Fun Together
If I’m bored or drunk enough, I can have fun with pretty much anyone. Does this mean I’m in love with them? No… well, if I’m drunk, yes, but that doesn’t really count. Finding someone who gets your brand of humor and fun, even if you feel like a couple in the moment, doesn't mean love. It means you found an awesome buddy and you shouldn't let them go.
7. Feeling Emotional About Them
Unless you're a replicant, then for you not to feel emotional about someone in your life would just be strange. You can care for someone, have great sex with them, and even get sad for them when they're having a bad day, but that still doesn't confirm love. It confirms that you're simply not a replicant straight out of Blade Runner.
Love, real love, is far more complicated and runs a lot deeper than anything on this list.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
Images: Fotolia; Giphy(7)
