'Big Brother' Cast Better at Racism than Spelling

Welcome back to Big Brother 15, also known as A Bunch of Horrible, Horrible Bigots Who Happen to Live Together. It recently emerged that this season's houseguests have been heard using shocking derogatory language—racist, homophobic, sexist, you name it—on the show's online live feed.

But the most infuriating aspect of this scandal is the network's refusal to include or even address the bigotry in the TV broadcast. CBS, you dun goofed. It's time to acknowledge this slimefest as the modern-day Stanford Prison Experiment it really is.

So... we're less than a week into the season and there's already a ton of ugliness to unpack. But for the next five minutes, let's table it, and I'll catch you up on what happened tonight. Deal? Deal.

Who will be the first BB15 MVP, and who will become his or her third nominee? Who will be saved by the Power of Veto? Do these people not have jobs? Or families? Or pets? Or plants? (By the way, this is my first season of Big Brother, though I did read 1984 in high school. Or possibly Animal Farm. Flying blind here, people.)

Head of Household McCrae nominated Candice and Jessie for elimination on Sunday. Tonight, the revelation that Elissa is Big Brother 13 champ Rachel Reilly's sister proves to be both a blessing and a curse.

The other houseguests predict that Elissa will be the season's first fan-voted MVP. She smirkingly agrees, petting a white shag pillow like she's Dr. Evil, but effectively feigns surprise when they're proved to be correct.

Elissa confides her MVP status to McCrae, who persuades her to choose surfer boy David as her nominee. Members of the terribly named Moving Company alliance—Howard, Spencer, Jeremy, Nick and McCrae—claim to be threatened by David because he's "the most physical competitor," by which I'm pretty sure they mean that he's the prettiest pretty boy in the house.

David, moony over his several-day love affair with Aaryn ("She actually liked me for who I am, which is pretty sick"), is crushed by his nomination: "I was just totally mind-boggled, to say the least." He wants to stay in the house as long as possible, so that he can continue to "do what-the-frick-ever I want." I'm not sure we can afford to lose this man.

It's to the credit of CBS that they do depict at least one instance of creepy cast behavior in this episode. Jeremy—who, if not for Dave, would be the house's undisputed King Moron—has made a number of deeply misogynic comments on the live feed. We're shown a hint of this behavior in a tense conversation with Elissa. When she calls him out for "picking on" girls, he tells her not to "get [her] panties in a wad," then taunts her further: "Don't cry. Don't cry." This makes me uncomfortable, but it makes me even more uncomfortable when the editors whitewash the awfulness of truly awful people.

The first Power of Veto contest is called The Big Brother Baking Competition, emceed by some lady who is apparently the host of The American Baking Competition, which is apparently a TV show. How it works: Houseguests must crawl through pools of honey and batter to pop giant "blueberries" that contain letters. They must bring those letters back, one at a time, to assemble the longest words they can in fifteen minutes or less. Howard and Elissa are randomly selected to compete alongside the HoH and the three nominees.

Because winning POV as the Head of Household would put him in an awkward position, McCrae decides to throw the competition. But the other contestants do so poorly (David, surprise, doesn't even come up with a word) that McCrae, despite actively trying to throw the competition, accidentally wins with the eight-letter "delivery."

McCrae ultimately vetoes his own nomination of Candice, instead swapping Elissa onto the chopping block. Why doesn't the Moving Company embrace Rachel's sister? She may very well be named MVP every week, and she's expressed support for their alliance—even fellow Mover Nick tries to sway McCrae to her cause.

P.S. Y'ALL ARE STILL RACIST. Don't think we forgot.

Image via CBS