It’s Feb. 12. Have you figured out your Valentine’s Day gift giving plans yet? If not, maybe looking at each state’s most popular Valentine’s Day gift Google searches will give you a few ideas. Fair warning, though — they’re all rather… unique. Whether that’s a good thing, a bad thing, or just, y’know, a thing is totally up to you to decide.
Real estate blog Estately recently ran several hundred Valentine’s Day gift-related queries through Google Trends in order to find out how frequently people in each state were searching for them; then, just for funsies, they made a map of the results. As is often the case with these kinds of data analyses, said results are a little motley; they do, however, make for an incredibly hilarious map, so it’s worth checking out even just for the humor value.
To be fair, not all of the things on the full list are necessarily gifts; I suspect, for example, that Florida’s interest in Barry White songs and South Carolina’s query about how to be romantic are less about giving those things and more about figuring out how to set the mood for the festivities. I suppose you could give the gift of Barry White, although the gift of “Here, this is how to be romantic, please learn it" might not go over quite as well. Maybe all those South Carolinians are trying to give their partners the gift of romance in general? Who knows.
All of this is to say that sometimes, there’s only so much you can tell about someone based on their Google searches.
In any event, here are my 10 favorite results. Head on over to Estately to see the full report, as well as a snazzy map detailing the United States of Valentine’s Day Gift Searches.
1. Alabama: Lord Byron
Alabama walks in beauty like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes.
2. Washington State: Bear Skin Rug
Real ones, or fake ones? Ironically, or unironically? I have so many questions about this one, Washington. So, so many.
3. New Mexico: Hickey
This seems like a pretty general category, New Mexico. What specifically would you like to know about hickeys? And are you really planning on giving someone a hickey for Valentine’s Day? If everyone’s down with it, cool, but… I don’t know. As is the case with Washington State, I have a lot of questions, none of which I’m likely to find any answers to.
4. California: Couples Pajamas
The couple that matches their pajamas together, stays together. Or… something.
5. Virginia: Kama Sutra
Yep. That’s the state I currently live in.
6. Tennessee: Cheap Sex Toys
Really, Tennessee? If you’re going to spring for a sex toy for someone, at least make it a quality one. Here — have some affordable playthings that still won’t make you sacrifice on quality. Because there are some things that just should not be in your sex toys.
7. Louisiana: Silk Sheets
Never compromise on your bedding.
8. Iowa: Tandem Bicycle
Like, are you going to give your sweetheart a tandem bicycle? Or are you just going to take them on a tandem bicycle ride? Either way, I hope you both sing “A Bicycle Built For Two” at the top of your lungs while you’re at it.
9. New York: Romantic Motel
Apparently the great state of New York is also into Harlequin Romance books and candygrams. Because sometimes tacky can be a whole lot of fun.
10. Kansas: Boudoir Photos
Actually, that’s pretty rad, as long as no one is pressuring anyone into doing a boudoir shoot they don’t want to do. But if all parties are enthusiastic about the idea, the photos or even the shoot itself could make for a fantastic gift. Well done, Kansas. Way to think outside the sexy, sexy box.
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