Shia's Not Retiring, Or Maybe He's Just Performing

Welp, you can go ahead and file this one under "we all saw this one coming, eh?" Shia LaBeouf has decided that he isn't retiring from being a celebrity after all. Apparently he was just kidding! Or maybe it was all just another one of his "performance art" stunts, because that's a great get-out-of-jail-free card. The perma-plagiarizing actor is one of many stars signed on to star opposite Bill Murray in the latest film from Barry Levinson. Titled Rock the Kasbah, the roster of talent signed on for the film is impressive, including Bruce Willis, Kate Hudson, Danny McBride and Zooey Deschanel. The Joaquin Phoenix-ness of it all is maddening, folks.

Levinson has already confirmed he will begin filming the Mitch Glazer-scripted indie comedy come June, and that he "couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect team of comic actors to round out this wickedly funny and heartfelt film." Rock the Kasbah is the story of washed-up and weathered rock anager Richie Vance discovers a young girl with an incredible voice while out on the road with his last remaining client on a USO tour of Afghanistan. After finding himself in Kabul, abandoned, penniless, and without his passport, he takes a chance on the girl, effectively managing her through Afghanistan's popular version of American Idol called Afghan Star. There's no word yet on which role LaBeouf will be playing — or not playing for that matter. Because let's be real, considering his penchant for performance art and plagiarism, LaBeouf could feasibly still get away with saying that he's retired. All he has to do is claim that his performance in the film was actually just him performing as someone else as a way of cultivating a performance art piece and blah blah blah sorry, snooze, you were saying?

We'd urge him to just come out and tell everyone he's fucking with us all just for the fun of it, but that sort of honesty and responsibility-taking is far too original a concept for the non-celebrity at this point.