Well, This is Disturbing

The love saga of Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici is like the song that never ends — and now it's just getting into "WTF" territory. First, it was all about The Bachelor. Then, it was all about planning for their televised wedding. Next came all the buzz, interviews, and lie-detector tests about the couple successfully waiting until marriage to have sex. Good for you. YOLO. You do you. Finally, they tied the knot on TV... but were we naive enough to think that their story would end there? No way. Now comes the part where they apparently tell us EVERY detail about their wedding night. After their honeymoon in Bora Bora, they now know what sex with each other is like and needed to spread the word around. Sean Lowe told Us Weekly about their first time having sex — and I truly needed a moment after reading.

I think we both performed extremely well. There was a parade that went through the room, and fireworks, says Lowe. It’s been a great testament for both of us. I talk about our faith and share our faith with others who are interested. We don’t regret anything.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Faith is fine, but a parade? Around the room? I hate to break it to them, but people have been parading since the beginning of time, and every 4th of July, and I don't really want to imagine theirs... especially since he described sex with his wife as "performing well." This is not the Olympics, Sean. You are not a diver and you did not receive a score on a piece of cardboard.

Maybe what he meant to say was that sex with Giudici is totally awesome, and all the parts worked, and everything was dandy, but the phrase "performed well" is just cringe-worthy. But the fun didn't stop there — Lowe also commented on being able sex in his own bed.

"It will be the greatest thing ever. Chris Harrison is going to introduce the christening of the bed!" Lowe says.

I can't see someone saying this with a straight face, so I can only hope he's kidding, and that the TMI sex talk stops here — before there becomes a show for that, too.