Are you the kind of lady who believes your period is a sassy monster that men should fear? Do you have trouble mustering up the incredible energy it takes to say "We can't have sex right now because I have my period"? Well, a guy named Anthony Hall is coming to your rescue with Period Panties, a line of "menstrual-themed" underpants designed to signal to your bedmate when it's that time of the month.
His (appropriately named) company Harebrained Inc. has launched a Kickstarter fund that has already received over $160,000 in donations. He apparently got this idea because his girlfriend was sick and tired of telling him that she couldn't have sex 'cause she was having her lady time (and apparently period sex is something to be feared by ALL MEN because PERIODS ARE EVIL AND WILL GIVE YOU MEDIEVAL ILLNESSES). The solution? Start wearing undies emblazoned with lovely menstruation-demonizing phrases like "Bloody Hell", "Bleeder of the Pack", or my personal favorite "Cunt Dracula", and your guy will get the message without you having to say a word. And if panties aren't your thing, the company makes temporary tattoos called CRAMP STAMPS. Another stylish way to say, "This is the evil no-touch zone!" It's like the Scarlet Letter for your womanhood.
In the Kickstarter video, Hall says "While some people use period panties as a warning shot towards their significant others, others see them as a celebration of their womanhood. Just because you're on your period doesn't mean you have to wear that old ratty pair in the back of your underwear drawer. Why not wear something special and stick it to Aunt Flo?"
Nice try with the "celebration of womanhood" b.s. but I'm not buying it when you equate a menstruating vagina with a Shark Week bloodbath. Am I supposed to be ashamed of the fact that I menstruate, which means I'm a woman and not a little girl? What's up the vilifying of periods? And on another note, ain't nothin' wrong with wearin' granny panties every now and then. Beyond that, this is essentially the mansplaining of all things period — I'd prefer no man ever utter the words "Aunt Flo."
There are better ways to tell your boyfriend that you're not up to it because you're having your period, like, "Hey, babe, good news! I'm certifiably not pregnant, and I'm not in the mood, and pass me the pint of ice cream, por favor." And let's not take period sex entirely off the table — as a wise man once said, "A man who carries a sword shouldn't be afraid of having it bloodied when he goes to battle."
Images: Getty Images; Kickstarter