Entertainment

These 'Vanderpump Rules' Love Poems Should Make the Cast Very Happy

Last night, one of my best friends texted me while she watched Season 1 of Vanderpump Rules for the very first time. I put whatever important thing I was doing on hold (okay, okay I was watching Couples Therapy; the text convo was a welcomed distraction) and furiously phone-typed about the Las Vegas parking lot fight, the staff meetings, and the character of Laura Leigh. I cackled and cheered when she sent the following message: "JAX JUST CRASHED DINNER." And then she followed it up with: "HE'S WEARING A TINY WHITE SWEATER." Oh yes. I was in my element. Reliving legendary VR events through the eyes of my friend felt so right.

I've yet to accept that Season 2 is over. NEVER OVER. It'll go on for forever in my mind. AUGHHHH. Few shows mean as much to me, and the cast could very well be the greatest reality TV cast ever assembled. I LOVE THEM ALL.

Aw, crap. I’m feeling mushy. I’ve written little two-line love poems for the Vanderpumpers. I can't remember the last time I wrote a poem. Probably junior high. So yeah, prepare yourself for some award-worthy poetry. Let's do this.

Image: Bravo

by Kristie Rohwedder

Stassi Schroeder

You moving to New York CityIs like a slap to my face. IT’S SUCH A PITY.

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Jax Taylor

On your arm, a tattoo of a name?Oh you and your flawless romantic game!

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Scheana Marie

SURver, pop star, broadcast journalism school gradAny way you slice it, I’ve got it bad.

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Katie Maloney

Orange hair or brunetteYou are one I will never forget.

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Kristen Doute

Your season wasn’t exactly greatBut hooray! You found a not-Sandoval man to date!

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Tom Sandoval

Bless your hair gel, you mactor youLookin’ fresh like morning dew.Image: costinm/tumblr

Peter Madrigal

Manager of SUR and of our heartsWhy do we love you? Where do I start…s?

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Lisa Vanderpump

Diamonds and furs and rosé, oh my!Your beauty and elegance make me cry.

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