Kate Middleton: Top-Secret Pregnancy Ninja

Is the Duchess of Cambridge really pregnant? It's possible she's already had her baby and has been wearing a pregnancy suit for a few months, because apparently, Kate Middleton found a way to sneak into the hospital, undetected by paparazzi, for a checkup. So obviously, the woman's a pregnant ninja.

I mean, how can one of the most famous people in the whole world go in and out of the hospital in which she is expected to birth a prince or a princess, and NOT GET NOTICED?

Not only is her stealthiness totally baffling, but the fact that she's being so secretive while 9-months pregnant is truly unbelievable. Because really, can pregnant women ever be sneaky? Is it humanly possible to slip in and out a hospital, past hordes of photographers, while you are growing a human being inside your body? And if it is, can someone please tell me how, for future reference? (Because if I ever get pregnant, I'd like to at least be able to draw faces on my pregnant belly and scare people.)

There are only a handful of explanations for Kate's ghost-like behavior. She was raised among ninjas. She's giving birth to the world's smallest baby. She was never actually pregnant and is, in fact, a spy hoping to infiltrate the royal family. Maybe there's been a series of tunnels built under London just so Kate can get to her doctor's appointments? Or perhaps she was flown to the hospital and dropped down into the room Mission: Impossible style.

Or maybe, Kate Middleton is trying to protect her privacy and the safety of her child by cleverly evading the paparazzi with tricks and secrets we can only hope to learn about one day.

Oh god. What if Kate doesn't want the birth of her child publicized? The horror!