Jesus Made Water Into Wine, So Now You Can Too

On Thursday, we told you about a water filtration device made of wood. Because it's Friday, we present news of something even better: the Miracle Machine, which can turn water into wine, and helps people do it in their own homes with the help of an smartphone app. Question is, could it beat Jesus at his job? Maybe, though it'll come at a much higher price.

The Miracle Machine is the brainchild of two wine industry experts, Kevin Boyer, CEO of CustomVine and founder of BOYANCI Wine, and Philip James, chairman of CustomVine and founder of the wine website Snooth.com. They claim on their website that the idea behind the machine came after "one too many glasses of wine over dinner, and a casual remark by Philip that 'Jesus made water into wine; with all the technology we have available today why can’t we do the same?'"

But how does this machine even work? Is it for real? While Boyer and James aren't giving away the secrets behind their invention, they do specify that by experimenting with a computer-controlled environment; a low level of heat; electrical sensors, pumps; and other mechanisms, they sped up the wine-making process. Which even includes the wine flavor, apparently.

You can see how it works in their promotional video. Fast-forward to 1:34 to see how funky the Miracle Machine looks, and to 2:22 to see the machine's mixer, micro-filter, and sieve.

Essentially, there are three steps: adding the ingredients; choosing a type of wine and flavor to make via the smartphone app; and starting the machine. The necessary ingredients are grape concentrate, yeast, and a "sachet" of ingredients especially produced by the Miracle Machine entrepreneurs. (The mind boggles.) The smartphone app will also take note of the sugar levels, the fermentation pH levels, the temperature, the CO2 levels, and the remaining time.

As for the types of wine that a Miracle Machine user can choose? There are six type so far, including Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Sauvignon Blanc. (OK, we don't really know what the distinction between all of those is, but they sound pretty fancy.) The website announces they're aiming to add 5-10 flavors in the next three months, after they raise enough money to produce 2,000 Miracle Machines. Mmm.

However, the Miracle Machine comes at a pretty steep price, at $499. Plus, the ingredients cost extra — though only about $2 per bottle of wine — and need to be bought separately on Amazon. The wine also lasts for a week or two because of its production method.

Yeah, it sounds amazing, but keep in mind there's wine at Trader Joe's for $2.50. Three one-dollar bills, 50 cents change, boom. Saturday night, solved.

Image: Miracle Machine