Marriage isn't a priority for everyone, and that's totally OK. But if it's something you care about, you might be pretty upset to notice signs your partner isn't cut out for marriage. While you make couple-y plans for future, he or she most certainly does not. And any talk about an engagement, or a baby? Well, it almost always sends them running from the room.
Even if they're giving off much subtler hints, it can still hurt to realize you two aren't on the same page. That's because the end result is all the same — you love each other, and yet there probably aren't going to be any plans for a lifelong commitment.
Yes, it sucks. But that's why noticing the signs early on can definitely help. If you are honest with yourself and your SO, it may be possible to talk about it and figure things out. Perhaps they just hadn't thought that far down the road, or weren't sure about your stance, either? One can hope.
After talking about it, however, you may find it's better to move on and save yourself all the wasted time and hurt feelings. If you feel like that's the likelier case, then read on for signs your partner isn't likely to pop the question.
1. He Or She Is The Flakiest Of Them All
If your SO is the marrying type, they'll likely have a pretty steady and predictable personality. They'll make plans and stick to them, and they'll always follow through on promises. Someone who isn't marriage material, on the other hand, will be oh so very flaky, according to Brittany Wong on HuffingtonPost.com. And clearly that's not a sign of someone who can, or will, commit.
2. They Straight Up Said They Weren't Interested
Think back to the early days of your relationship. Your partner was probably pretty clear about their disinterest in marriage, either by making jokes or straight up saying they don't plan to settle down. If so, you likely laughed it off, or hoped they'd eventually come around. "Many partners think in time they can change their mind, or they will simply change their mind on their own," says Nicole Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC. And yet that's not always the case.
3. They Don't Mention You When Talking About The Future
When you find someone who is in it for the long haul, they will include you when talking about the future. They'll say things like "when we do this" or "when we do that." And when talking about their goals, they'll speculate as to how you can fit into the plan, according to Clint Carter on Women's Health. It's not a good sign if their entire future starts to sound like a solo act.
4. They Panic At The First Sign Of Struggle
Part of choosing a life partner is choosing someone who can help out when things get tough. So it's not cool if your partner gets all pale and panicky at the first sign of a problem. Not only does it like mean they're kinda immature, but that they probably won't be much help should something truly serious happen down the road.
5. They Always Change The Subject
When the topic of marriage pops up, suddenly they are very interested in their nails, or that dumb commercial on TV. This clearly isn't a good sign, according to Ossiana Tepfenhart on TheBolde.com. You want someone who is excited to talk about the future — not someone who avoids the subject.
6. He Or She Downplays Your Relationship
As far as bad feelings go, it doesn't get much worse than hearing your SO downplay your relationship. Not only is it super painful (and disrespectful), but it's clearly a sign that they aren't cut out for marriage, according to Carter. Someone who is ready to commit will be nothing but proud to call themselves your partner.
7. They Don't Ever Plan Ahead
Whether it's making plans for this coming weekend, or that trip next month, you really want to be with someone who can see more than five seconds into the future. A person who wants to stick around will start talking about events down the road the moment they see a future with you, according to Jenna Birch on Women's Day. So think twice if this isn't the case.
8. They Only Talk About Marriage In The Heat Of The Moment
In order for your partner to talk about marriage, they either have to be drunk or in a super good mood (or both). While it's nice to hear them get excited, this kind of talk doesn't count, according to Birch. You want someone who's interested in marriage all the time — not just when they've had a sip too many.
9. He Or She Isn't Down For Mundane Daily Life
Marriage — and life in general — isn't always a rip roaring good time, and your SO can't handle that fact. They are down to go out on the town, or to hook up, and yet alway seem to disappear when things get boring or mundane. "Committed couples want to be together most of the time," Carter said. Not just when things are fun.
10. They Aren't Willing To Put In The Work
"The idea that marriage requires effort isn’t foreign or scary to someone who’s ready for marriage," said family therapist Winifred M. Reilly, in an interview with Carolin Lehmann on HuffingtonPost.com. And yet that very notion scares your partner to death. Not only are they unwilling to put in the work, but they aren't really willing to do anything. And that's not a good sign.
11. He Or She Gets Cold Feet When Money Is Involved
Marriage involves a helluva lot of joint financial decisions. So if your partner is already weird about money, it could be a sign that they won't ever get any better. It could also be a sign that they don't see a future with you, according to Carter, especially if they aren't willing to split bills or go in half on big purchase. When that's the case, they likely already have one proverbial foot out to the door.
When that's the case, sometimes it's best to just let them go. Of course you can try to work things out, but marriage truly is an "all or nothing" thing. If it's important to you, it may be time to find a partner who is 100 percent in.
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