5 Simple Steps to Spring Cleaning Your Love Life

With the dawn of springtime comes the need for both springtime wardrobe updates and that other seasonal necessity: spring cleaning. That's right — it's time to bust out the Swiffer and the Clorox! While you de-clutter your closet and clean your fridge of those Passover leftovers, perhaps it's time to give your love life the same treatment! Except hopefully a pile of moldy charoset was not involved in your romantic clean-up. But if it was, oh God, I'm so sorry.

Let's bust out the metaphorical mop and get started!

1. Do A Phone Sweep

If you remember his name as “Pizza Guy” or “Dude From Bar Who Boned Me And Left Me…” just, as the grand Frozen song proclaims, let it go. Delete it. You don’t need to keep all of the contacts in your phone who have only disappointed you and to whom you will only send texts when you are under the influence of Sir Jameson or Jack Daniels. Without these guy’s numbers, you won’t be able to indulge your temptation.

Moreover, sweep out exes who have only broken you’re heart. Unless you’ve maintained a truly amicable friendship or need each other’s numbers for work, Mr. Ex need not live on in memory in your phone.

Weren't things simpler in Romy and Michelle's time, when they couldn't program phone numbers into their cell phones?

2. Throw Out What You (Literally) Don't Need

Like the old magazines yellowing on your bookshelf, relics from the ghosts of boyfriends and girlfriends past are unnecessary clutter. Movie tickets from your first date with your ex is as useful as a pile of 10-year-old grocery receipts. When your new significant other comes along, you won’t want to be mooning over memorabilia from past folks. And besides, this is something that literally collects dust. This trick cleans up both your love life and your room. Kill two birds with one super old stone, eh?

But let it go. Once it's gone, it's gone! DON'T DUMPSTER DIVE TO TRY TO GET IT BACK!

3. Re-Organize Your Online Dating Profile

Just like you’d re-organize your closet and joyously find a vintage dress you never knew you had, re-organize your online dating profile! You never know what might turn up. This is your opportunity to put forth to the Internet the kind of woman that you want to be, so it can look however you like!

And be specific about what you want. Like maybe you want a clown! Actually, I just checked, and there is a site for clown dating! It's called — drumroll please — clowndating.com. "Everybody loves a clown...let a clown love you!" I AM NOT KIDDING YOU. But seriously — you wouldn't go clothing shopping for a dress that's a style that you hate and that's not in your size. So why do that with dating?

4. Clean Out Your Social Media

You don’t need to know that the guy who broke your heart has a wife who’s pregnant….again. Facebook, as much as we like to joke it’s meant for stalking exes, is really not designed as a telescope into the lives of people you wish were out of your life. Let your news feed be only the news you want to see. (On that end, unfollow or delete those bitches from high school who made fun of you.) Same with Instagram — it’s that powerful force that can take you along on your ex's vacation or into his house with his adorable dogs — and you don’t need all of that. It’s just like your box of crap under your bed: if you don’t use it or ever want to look at it again, it serves no room taking up space where you could have room for a new pair of shoes.

But seriously, don't be afraid to click this button:

It's liberating.

5. Dust Off What You've Been Hiding

That is to say, YOU, you gorgeous, attractive, smart, sexy woman! Dust yourself off (not that you needed dusting) — but metaphorically. Do what you need to do to feel phenomenal, and put yourself out there in the spotlight and realize that spring is a time of renewal. Now, more so than the New Year, when everyone’s cold and bitter and gaining winter weight, is the time to take that leap forward and make the changes in your love life that you wish to see. And besides, everybody looks better with some springtime sunshine.

And any haters? Well, this girl says it the better than anybody else could:

Images: Romy and Michelle GIF/Bear GIF/Online Dating GIF/Facebook GIF/GIF