Heidi's Reunion Dream Will Break Your Brain

Wednesday morning, reality TV legend Heidi Montag tweeted something that had me muttering “I am not worthy” on repeat. I assume it'll do the same to you. Montag wrote, “I had the funniest dream Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Whitney Port and I were performing like the Spice Girls for our Hills Reunion!”

Give Montag the award for The Greatest Dream Ever, because that is the greatest dream ever. We should feel so very fortunate that Montag shared this beautiful subconscious epic poem (yeah, I'm more or less calling it The Iliad of dreams) with us. My life is definitely better because of it. Combining my all-time favorite pop group with one of my all-time favorite reality shows? PLEASE AND THANK YOU. It's the fanfic I didn't know I needed. And now I'm obsessed with it.

Montag's dream is hilarious, yes. But after I let the tweet sink in, something hit me: I had to match up The Hills ladies and the Spice Girls. DUH. You know, like you used to do/still do with your group of friends. But this time around, it's "Which Spice Girl Are You, 'The Hills' Cast?"

So which Hills girl is which Spice Girl? It's not as obvious as it seems, let me tell you. Some were clear choices, others required a little more thought. All of it did my head in.

But after intense deliberation, here's what I came up with:

Lauren Conrad is Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton

"You got this dead-cute little smile, so you can get away with anything."

Audrina Patridge is Melanie "Sporty Spice" Chisholm

They both have brown ponytails! Just kidding. (Sort of.) They're the chillest members of their respective crews.

Heidi Montag is Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown

Heidi and Scary Spice do what they want! Heidi might crash your work party, Scary Spice might lead the rest of the group plus a couple of contest winners on a last-minute boating excursion. Neither will end well.

Kristin Cavallari is Geri "Ginger Spice" Halliwell

Kristin and Ginger Spice are a pair o' straight-shooters.

Whitney Port is Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham

Duh.

Sorry, Lo Bosworth. Sorry, Stephanie Pratt. Sorry, Jen Bunney. Sorry, Bartender Stacie. Sorry, Kelly Cutrone. I wanted to include all of you, but I've run out of Spice Girls.

Oof. I can't stop looking at this glorious tweet:

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