News

Clay Aiken Can't Win, Like Ever

by L. Turner

Clay Aiken is not about to lose again... except that he is. Always the runner-up, never the winner, Aiken is about 400 votes ahead of his Democratic opponent after a North Carolina primary Tuesday night, though the race is still too close to call and Aiken has a known tendency to fail in the clutch. The almost-American Idol is running to represent North Carolina's 2nd District, but even if he wins the primary, he's unlikely to win the seat. Somebody's a glutton for punishment.

If Aiken gets a chance to fight another day (which we may not know for another week or so), North Carolina's 2nd District will be a tough one to win. The district, which encompasses suburban areas of Raleigh and Fayetteville and a military base, is gerrymandered in favor of Republicans, meaning incumbent Rep. Renee Ellmers stands a really good chance of holding onto it in the November midterm elections.

But Aiken sounded really confident on Tuesday night in a speech he gave to supporters.

We are feeling incredibly comfortable tonight. We are comfortable not only with the results we’ve seen this evening, we are comfortable not only with how we will feel tomorrow morning, but more than anything we’re comfortable with the way this campaign was run.

He was also probably confident before his loss to American Idol 2003 Winner Ruben Studdard, and his loss to 2012 Celebrity Apprentice winner Arsenio Hall. Following those losses, Aiken reportedly asked:

What would it take to make you see that I'm alive?

No, wait. That's a line from Aiken's hit song "Invisible." And in fact, when you Google Clay Aiken, one of the top results is still "Clay Aiken 'Invisible,'" his hit song from the season of American Idol that he didn't win and which you, like me, probably downloaded illegally from Kazaa back when that was a socially acceptable thing to do.

Aiken showed some pluck announcing what he said would be his campaign song if he faces off against Ellmers: "Walk Away Reneé" by The Left Banke. He had a staffer play the song and then launched into a lip sync worthy of a former Idol contestant, which we turned into a GIF for posterity.

The lyrics? "Just walk away, Reneé." Too bad we're still rockin' out to this.