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How To Tell Paul Ryan & Anthony Weiner Apart
We figured it would be impossible to forget Paul Ryan's widow's peak. The jet-black protrusion is sharp, powerful, and even more magnificent than Ronald Reagan's. But the former candidate for vice president says that the one and only Paul Ryan has been mistaken for sexting scoundrel Anthony Weiner — not once, but twice.
Addressing a group of Republicans at Bucks Run Golf Club in Isabella County, MI on Wednesday, Ryan spoke of several "humbling moments" throughout his political career according to Saginaw News. Not one of them, by the way, was his recent backpedaling when he was (perhaps) inadvertently but also hopelessly racist on national radio. But I digress.
The Wisconsin Republican apparently has bad luck in airports, and was once addressed as Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker after he posed for a picture with an accidental fan. He recounted these stories to the group of supporters, drawing easy laughs and flashing that mega-watt smile. But some of the gaiety turned to certain horror amongst the gathered conservatives when Paul recalled the Weiner snafu.
"I went on this flight a week later. And the flight attendants were looking at me and kind of whispering at each other and pointing," Ryan says. "And then, finally one of them comes up to me and says, 'You're somebody famous, aren't you? Are you Anthony Weiner?'"
Without offering specifics, Ryan added that this was not an isolated incident.
"I've been confused for Anthony Weiner twice now. I don't know how this keeps happening."
It sounds like Ryan might be suffering from a bit of an identity crisis. That's OK, Paul. We're here to make your public outings a little more personal. Here is the definitive guide to check if that is Anthony Weiner or Paul Ryan in front of you at the terminal Dunkin' Donuts (Hint: Check the widow's peak first).
You may be looking at Paul Ryan if:
- He is swinging a budget machete to slash healthcare funding
- He is rubbing elbows with men in big Stetson hats and boots, likely in a Texas airport
- He is being booed by the middle class for cutting taxes from the richest Americans
- He is carrying a copy of "Atlas Shrugged" or "The Fountainhead"
You may be looking at Anthony Weiner if:
- He is blaming the Internet for his failures as a politician
- He is mansplaining Silicon Valley and start-up culture to itself
- His iPhone automatically opens to the front-facing camera
- He's got 64 ideas on how to better improve your airport experience