Entertainment
Miley Cyrus Had a Mystery Gay Ex-Boyfriend Who Wore Her Clothes. But Which Outfits?!
In Miley Cyrus' newest :series of revelations, the singer revealed she dated a gay guy. But haven't we all? Like she said, "Your boyfriend is not who he says he is. He tries on your clothes when you leave." Errr...yes. Sure. Anyhow, this got us thinking who, what, where, when and why, but mostly what. Because while Cyrus has had some pretty crazy boyfriends, she's mostly had some pretty crazy clothes. So here they are, the clothes we hope Mystery Gay Ex tried on when Cyrus wasn't looking. And kudos to him for fitting into this stuff.
So One of Miley's Exes Tried On Her Clothes When She Left. But... Which Outfit?
In Miley Cyrus' newest :series of revelations, the singer revealed she dated a gay guy. But haven't we all? Like she said, "Your boyfriend is not who he says he is. He tries on your clothes when you leave." Errr...yes. Sure. Anyhow, this got us thinking who, what, where, when and why, but mostly what. Because while Cyrus has had some pretty crazy boyfriends, she's mostly had some pretty crazy clothes. So here they are, the clothes we hope Mystery Gay Ex tried on when Cyrus wasn't looking. And kudos to him for fitting into this stuff.
MET Gala Madness Dress
This is exactly the type of dress we could picture Avan Jogia prancing around in after Cyrus left for work, being like "LOOOOOK, I'm Miiiley, wow this is so mesh-y, look at how beyoootiful I am." So what that she wore this dress this year and got with Jogia in 2008? TIME DOESNT MATTER WHEN IT COMES TO MESH GOWN CROSS-DRESSING. It just doesn't.
Sex-Robot/Terminator Outfit
I look at this jacket and see, in my mind's eye, Liam Hemsworth sneaking into Cyrus' closet, pulling this jacket out, petting it, putting it on... and then flipping out when he burst the seams trying to get it over his large, hunky shoulders. "FUCK I broke it, how am I going to explain this? How do you explain a leather jacket that's been ripped in two? ASSISTANCE PLEASE." Still, he can take solace in the fact that we think Hemsworth would look very pretty in this outfit, but mostly because he'd look pretty in anything.
Boobs. And Thigh-High Boots. Boobs 'n Boots.
This look is a closeted gay boyfriend's dream. The S&M top, the boots — for god's sake, the boots. Okay, maybe they're not made for a man's foot or a muscular thigh, but these boots might as well have been made by drag queens, for drag queens in the Broadway version of Kinky Boots.
Back-When-Miley-Was-Sorta-Classy-Gown
Remember when Cyrus was trying to show how grown-up she was by, like, dressing like an adult instead of a bondage enthusiast? That was such a crazy time. I like this option because it has padded shoulders, so imagining the scoop back and huge shoulders on a dude is hilarious and delightful. This dress is more for the Mae West-loving gay ex than it is for the Lady Gaga-loving gay ex, which is good. Gay exes should have choices when ferreting through Miley's wardrobe. It's only fair.
Nick Awards Rainbow Pattern Dress
This dress would probably feel like being hugged by a rainbow for mystery gay ex. Plus, it's strapless, which means it probably has the little cups that strapless dresses come with — mama doesn't even have to stuff with this little number! You just know Mitchel Musso was all like, "Yeah, I guess that looks okay on you, Miley, but I think we both know it would look soooo much better on me." And he would soooo be right.
But Most Importantly...This.
Hell-o, skinny neck scarf, blonde wig, and awkwardly collared faux-military jacket. I see you. This outfit is a preteen scream. Besides, didn't My Chemical Romance wear that same jacket during their Black Parade phase, making it totally hot? <3 Hannah Montana Miley. Rest in peace. We just wish you'd break out the ombre shirts more often, even though we know it's just never gonna happen. (Unless, of course, Snoop does it.)
