Entertainment

Lourdes Is Off to College!

by Mallory Schlossberg

Madonna's little girl has grown up quicker than a ray of light! (Sorry, Madge references always abound when we're talking about Pop's Reigning Queen.) In fact, Lourdes will be going to the University of Michigan. That's right — a public school, albeit a really good school, and not to mention, where Madonna went to school before she dropped out. Anyhow, Lourdes be assimilating into her freshman year like any college student, fighting the crazy cold weather, relishing in tale-as-old-as-time traditions, football games, and probably the occasional red Solo cup full of shitty beer.

So naturally, like any soon-to-be college gal, Lourdes needs some advice! After all, freshman year can be super tough since it involves some major transitions. However, given that Lourdes is the daughter of Madonna, she may need some different spins on age-old advice often handed out to up-and-coming freshman. So Lourdes, here are some tips for you, so that you can have a killer freshman year and be known as "Lourdes, U Mich student," and not "Lourdes, Madonna's daughter."

Have Your Mom Move You In, But Lie Low

Everyone has her mom help her move in on the big move-in day! Yeah, your mom is Madonna, but you can be like, "yeah, that's my mom, NBD." Everyone will love that you remain so nonplussed about your mom's status, and they'll also love that she helps you haul over to the nearest Target to get cubbies for your extra clothes.

Major In Something Practical-Ish

A lot of celebs or celeb-kids major in things like "socio-anthropological artistic meat curing history" because when you're rich and famous, it's like, whatevs. But you've already given the age-old "famous kids eschew education" thinking a kick in the ass by showing up to get a college degree. Anyway, while it's awesome to explore your interests (HIGH FIVE from a theater and English major), maybe ya wanna study...something that may be adaptable for a career in something? But hey, if you're dead set on artistic meat curing, this is your time, girl. You be you.

If "Vogue" Comes On At A Bar, Head To The Back Of The Bar

Just to avoid any potentially awkward conversations. You don't want to be forced to vogue.

Try Not To Get Shwaaasted

Yeah, we all make those mistakes our first year of college. We all accidentally drink the blue stuff (DON'T, BY THE WAY), but for your roommate's sake, be extra cautious. She didn't sign up to be in the background of a picture in Star magazine.

Stock Lots of Ramen

Ramen is the language that all college students speak, even if you grew up on Momofuku.

Have Fun And Learn Stuff!

Daughter of Madonna or not, the same words of wisdom applies to you as they do to everyone else. Study, absorb as much knowledge as you can, and have a good time. Sure, the tabloids and paparazzi may try to watch, but fortunately for you, U Mich is a pretty enormous school, so they may have a tough time snapping pics anyway. DO YOUR THING, Lourdes. (And good choice of a school, by the way.)

Image: Giphy; Giphy; Giphy; madonna/Instagram