Entertainment

Want to Smell Like Nicky Nichols?

by Casey Rackham

Until today, I thought I was a person who somewhat understood makeup. I understood it in that there is makeup and people can where it. But now, thanks to MAC's Marge Simpson-inspired line of makeup — yes, that's a real thing — there's a whole new world of cosmetics that I never knew could even exist. The collection, which includes products such as lashes, lip-gloss, nail stickers, and a shadow palette, is set to hit stores on September 4 and the Internet on August 28. And for those huge Simpson fans out there, MAC is promoting the collection on July 28 at Comic-Con. Now it's Marge's time to shine!

So what does this mean for the rest of the characters stuck in our TV screens? Will they ever get a chance at cosmetic glory? Will Lucille Bluth promote her own brand of botox, or will Nick Miller design his own palatte of eye shadows for female bartenders? And what about Daenerys Targaryen; will she have her own line of hair dye? And most importantly, will Joan Holloway have red lipstick named after her? God, I hope so.

In case beauticians around the world are in need of some TV character-inspired colognes and perfumes, I've got some good, er weird, ones for them:

Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project.

Ingredients: The tears he cried at a Bruce Springsteen concert mixed with some grass clippings from the Met's field.

Shoshanna Shapiro from Girls.

Ingredients: She probably still carries around her first bottle of perfume from Abercrombie & Fitch, so she doesn't need a new one.

Tina Belcher from Bob's Burgers.

Ingredients: Butt sweat. (Hey, it's not me that wants butt sweat perfume, it's Tina. She just can't help but love those butts. No judgement.)

Jackie Fisher from Trophy Wife.

Ingredients: Pickle juice. (Trophy Wife, may you rest in peace.)

Buster Bluth from Arrested Development.

Ingredients: It would be mostly just juice from a juice box and a splash of sea water to remind him that the world is a scary place and that life is temporary.

Fox Mulder from The X-Files.

Ingredients: Is it the smell of Spitz Sunflower Seeds? Teen spirit? Oprah? Aqua Net hairspray? It's a mystery we may never fully understand.

April Ludgate from Parks and Recreation.

Ingredients: The souls of babies who looked at her the wrong way.

Nicky Nichols from Orange is the New Black.

Ingredients: It would probably just be a shit ton of pheromones so she can attract more women to her. Or it would be some sort of taco-inspired smell. She loves taco night.

Meredith from The Office.

Ingredients: Vodka. Just straight vodka.

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