This Job Will Pay You to Masturbate

As a moonlighting sex writer, I naturally love to crack wise about how I get paid to bone and blog about it. It's pretty much the best way to make a buck if you don't care about ever becoming president. Or, anyway, it was the best way until I read this job listing on British male vibrator brand Hot Octopuss's website. The company, whose products I've highly recommended before, has an opening for an "Orgasm Engineer." An O.E., for your information, is someone who JACKS OFF for a (part-time) living, no blogging required.

Sadly, only the dong-possessing need apply, but I'm at least heartened to know that this is an actual career option that exists. The position, AKA the HAND JOB (tee hee), is described as such:

Following the success of the world’s first ‘guybrator’, we are on the hunt for our first ever part time Orgasm Engineer to help test our new range of male products.

Successful applicants will be sent prototype sex toys to review on a regular basis and will be required to report back on their sexperiences.

Benefits include being allowed to work whenever the moment takes you, from the comfort of your own home, or anywhere in the world for that matter – maybe just not in public!

We’ll also provide a lifetime supply of tissues to the lucky candidate.

Successful candidates will:

• Be aged 18+
• Have good stamina
• Be able to handle pressure
• Have their own penis

I mean.... beats Excel spreadsheets. So, I guess, pass this listing along to literally anyone with a schlong? Also, copying and pasting the link to the job description is for sure the best way to respond to an insulting late-night booty call.

Images: fifeflyingfife/Fotolia; Hot Octopuss