Literature is filled with amazing lines...and even more denial. Open a book and you'll find yourself surrounded by coded messages, slant rhymes, and people who never say what they're actually thinking. Sure, Protagonist Girl may be running around a field of daisies while professing her love for Hero Dude, but what she's really thinking is something more like, "It's 1670, why haven't we discovered germs yet?"
If these 11 iconic characters could talk even more than they already talked, here's what we might hear them say.
1. Elizabeth Bennet during Mr. Collins' proposal, Pride and Prejudice
What she said: "I thank you again and again for the honor you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer?"
What she meant: "EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW."
2. Juliet musing on her love for Romeo, Romeo and Juliet
What she said: “When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars."
What she meant: "I'm a little bit overwhelmed from the whole being 14 and getting married to my soulmate against my parents' wishes thing, so don't take anything I say too literally."
3. Mr. Rochester proposing to Jane, Jane Eyre
What he said: "Jane, will you marry me?"
What he meant: "Jane, will you ignore the strange noises in the attic and never go up there no matter how dusty or, uh, flame-y it gets and promise to never ask questions and marry me?
4. Anne Shirley to Gilbert Blythe when he saves her from drowning in the river, Anne of Green Gables
What she said: "I shall never be friends with you, Gilbert Blythe; and I don't want to be!"
What she meant: "Wow, you got really cute while I was busy ignoring you."
5. Mrs. Dalloway in the midst of party prep, Mrs. Dalloway
What she said: “Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself.”
What she meant: “Mrs. Dalloway said she would buy the flowers herself, dammit."
6. Gatsby raving to Nick Carraway, The Great Gatsby
What he said: “Can’t repeat the past? … Why of course you can!”
What he meant: *eyes glitter crazily as he paws through an antique store looking for a specific 1876-era cigarette lighter because Daisy offhandedly said something about liking old cigarette lighters*
7. Catherine contemplating life, Wuthering Heights
What she said: “I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.”
What she meant: "The dating scene here is just impossible."
8. Dracula writing a friendly letter, Dracula
What he said: “My Friend. — Welcome to the Carpathians. I am anxiously expecting you. Sleep well to-night. At three to-morrow the diligence will start for Bukovina; a place on it is kept for you. At the Borgo Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land.
What he meant: "Literally can't wait to eat ya."
9. Meg being defensive, A Wrinkle in Time
What she said: "I do face facts. They're lots easier to face than people, I can tell you.”
What she meant: "I'm being bullied at school and this is a cry for help."
10. Hermione to Ron before the big dance, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
What she said: “Just because it’s taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!”
What she meant: "AND I BOUGHT MASCARA, TOO."
10. Charlotte to Wilbur, Charlotte's Web
What she said: "I wove my webs for you because I liked you."
What she meant: "Not that a thank-you card wouldn't have been appreciated."
11. Molly Weasley dueling Bellatrix Lestrange, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
What she said: “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!”
What she meant: "NOT! MY! DAUGHTER! YOU! BITCH!"
Image: Focus Features; Giphy (3)