Life

Behold: The 63,000 Calorie Cake

We may all be completely and utterly sick of pumpkin spice right now…but at least the most recent offerings spiked with the ubiquitous fall flavor come with a healthy dollop of humor. Yesterday, we had Umami Burger’s Pumpkin Spice Latte Burger — and today, we’ve got Pumpkin Spice Pizza Cake, because why the hell not. It comes to us courtesy of the Epic Meal Time guys, so that should give you a pretty good idea of what to expect. Ready for this? Here we go.

We first encountered the glorious monstrosity that is pizza cake about a month ago, although its April appearance on the blog So Good suggests that it’s been around a lot longer than that. The recipe originated on the Pillsbury website before achieving widespread fame thanks to Reddit; Bustle’s Rosanne Salvatore even gave it a shot herself, and believe you me, her results were nothing short of magnificent. I mean, yes, pizza cake is an excellent way to eat yourself to death… but at least you’ll go down consuming something delicious, right?

It was perhaps only a matter of time before the guys behind Epic Meal Time put their own spin on the pizza cake — and while they were at it, they figured they’d take on the whole pumpkin spice craze at the same time. Scroll down to watch the whole video, and check out the step-by-step process here:

Step 1: Pumpkin Spice Bacon Strips

First, they carved open a pumpkin and removed its guts. Then they dropped a healthy amount of pumpkin pie spice inside along with a whole bunch of bacon, shook it around a little, and baked the whole thing — pumpkin and all. Or maybe they didn’t actually make it like that, but whatever. Either way, it makes for a hilarious image.

Step 2: Pumpkin Spice Pizza Sauce

I think it’s safe to say that they did not make their pumpkin spice pizza sauce by shoving a bunch of cans and mini pumpkins in the microwave and nuking them on high for three minutes. That would be an excellent way to explode your microwave and probably cause a massive amount of damage to your kitchen and yourself.

Step 3: Pizza Dough

You can’t make a pizza cake without dough.

Step 4: Assemble the Layers

Do not skimp on the cheese. And yes, it’s pumpkin spice cheese.

Step 5: Make Your Pumpkin Spice Dome

I don't even know what's going on anymore. It's just. That. Nuts.

Step 6: Bake It

OK. This? This I understand. And finally we have…

Step 7: Pumpkin Spice Pizza Cake

The finished creation contains 63,984 calories and 4,175 grams of fat. It’s not for the faint of heart, and I recommend that you share it with as many people as possible. Because good gravy, that’s insanity.

Watch the whole video below:

Images: Epic Meal Time/YouTube (8)