If one doesn't learn from history, one is doomed to repeat it. So, baby Kimye, these are words of wisdom for you: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have made a lot of mistakes — some they won't even admit to — but we here at Bustle care, a lot, and we want to help you. We know growing up is hard, so here are some tips to give you a leg-up on life. It's not your fault you were born a Westdashian, but it's something you're going to have to contend with, starting now.
1) Your father is not actually a god. Don't believe him when he says he is.
Just because his head looks kinda like an Easter Island moai (no really, go look at pictures side by side) does not mean Papa Ye is a god. You are no Hercules, little Baby Kimye — you're just a beautiful celebaby, and that's enough. First rule of showbiz: Never believe your own (or your dad's) hype.
2) Sex tapes are not a valid way to become famous.
As a Kardashian, you will undoubtedly have an ass so big it affects our planetary orbit. This does not mean you have to let the world see someone *cough* Ray J *cough* put his junk all up in it. Seriously. Because if you do, every time your ass makes the news (which it probably will, a lot), everyone that saw your porno will immediately get a crystal clear still in their head of that freaking video, and they will never forgive you for ruining their appetite. Also, mother-daughter pornos are really really not a thing, so just don't go there.
3) Never, ever mess with Taylor Swift.
No family can handle a Taylor Swift bullying fiasco twice. Just because she writes music that befits an emotionally stunted 13-year-old doesn't mean you can mess with her. Even if Daddy says it's okay. Imma let you finish, but 'Ye had the best Taylor Swift diss, so don't bother.
4) DO NOT LET YOUR PARENTS NAME YOU SOMETHING STARTING WITH K
I know, I know, I have a complex about this but some dynasties need to be brought krumbling down. It's hard enough to pick a baby name from the entire alphabet, so don't limit yourself. You need to be free like a bird — free to fly off and name your future child whatever you want.
5) Don't refer to yourself as Baby Yeezus. Ever.
No explanation needed here. If you do this, Blue Ivy, Jermajesty Jackson, T.I's kids, and Dewayne Carter III are going to come over and probably beat the shit out of you.
