Entertainment

What Jobs Would the Plastics Have Now?

by Christine DiStasio

Tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back... in that Under Armour headband he's wearing while teaching your spin class. Jonathan Bennett, the actor also known as Mean Girls' Aaron Samuels, is an instructor at Flywheel Los Angeles, and you can take class with him on Saturday at noon in West Hollywood if you want. In case it wasn't endearing and adorable enough that he participates in "Mean Girls Day" every year by asking us what day it is on Twitter, his instructor-bio will make you love him even more. Aaron, I mean Jonathan, is just the ultimate genuine guy whose Mean Girls moment of fame as the sexiest high schooler of all time didn't go to his sweet, Ohio-born head.

It makes absolute sense that the Northshore football team member would be interested in a career in fitness because he was so obviously fit in high school. This recent development that the lust-worthy Aaron Samuels just got a relatively normal, every day job got us thinking, what real jobs would the rest of the Mean Girls characters have now?

Gretchen Weiners: Local News Reporter

You can totally see it, right? People who love to gossip love to ask questions. So what better career choice than to ask people questions on TV? Also, her dad is totally rich, so he probably bought her her own channel and news station. Her catchphrase? "So fetch!"

Karen Smith: Veterinarian

I always had a hunch that Karen was secretly really smart and just acted the way she did to let Regina feel important. It'd be no surprised if she popped up being super successful and educated and taking care of your sick cat. She obviously loves animals...

Janis Ian: Art Teacher/Art Supply Store Employee

Janis was an award-winning artist in high school, so she probably went to college and studied art. High school art teachers don't make so much money, so to supplement her love of crafting with your mom's chest hair (or any chest hair), she has a part-time job at the local art supply store. She also teaches Halloween costume tutorials there in the fall.

Damian: Private Acting Coach For College

Damian could have been a great performer if given the chance in high school (his rendition of Christina's Aguilera's "Beautiful" still rings in my ears), so now, after graduating with a B.A. in Drama, he bestows his wisdom onto high schoolers auditioning for college drama programs. He also performs in community theater — most recently, he appeared in Les Misérables. (No one throws shoes at him anymore.)

Shane Oman: Movie Theater Projectionist

Shane spent a lot of time in the projection room over the auditorium, so it's not surprising that he fell in love with the machinery. After studying film curating at at school, Shane got a job projecting films at movie theaters. Now he gets paid to be in the projection room.

Kevin Gnapoor: Geek Squad Member

After losing his high-paying job at NASA, Kevin Gnapoor had trouble in the failing job market finding a job suited to his intelligence. Now he works for the Geek Squad, fixing the tech problems of those with average intelligence and empowering mid-life crisis men to buy that 72-inch TV they've always wanted.

Regina George: Hair Stylist

I mean, she was SO right about Aaron's hair looking sexy pushed back. Regina took her perfectly straight, blonde head straight to cosmetology school and now she's makes everyone's hair look sexy three days a week.

Cady Heron: Guidance Counselor

After her quick and seamless transition from pretend mean girl to actual mean girl and its epic implications, Cady decided that counseling high school girls was the best way for her to give back. She also still felt pretty guilty about the fact that Regina got run over by a bus. Now she helps teenage girls to make the right choices before it's too late so they don't end up having high school experiences similar to hers.

Images (gifs): Tumblr, weheartit.com