Life

10 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Having A Baby

Guys, it's Friday. Let's watch cute videos about babies. In the all encompassing genre that is baby videos, we've got a lot to choose from. We've got your adorable girl crying about mortality and your overwhelmingly precious underwater baby photos, of course, but the thing that might unexpectedly give you the most feels is this video on "10 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Having A Baby". While I understand that typically parenting advice is reserved for, well, parents or expecting parents, I disagree with that notion. If I want to kick back and watch adorable new parents melt my heart as their babies widen their eyes, I'm going to do just that. Try and stop me.

I'm not trying to pop out a human any time soon. Honestly, bearing a child kind of terrifies me and while I see the selflessness side of it, I'm not at a point in my life where being selfless and trying to push a child out of me seems like a good idea. Even though I'm going to need a LOT of years before creating human life is on my radar, I will admit that this video is priceless. Don't judge me for tearing up over it, okay? Just because I'm not trying to have one doesn't mean I can't appreciate them. It's not a biological clock thing, it's an OH-MY-GOSH-LOOK-AT-THAT-BABY thing. Capisce?

Here's the ~official~ parenting advice video, 10 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Having A Baby:

Can I just say I'm obsessed with that woman's blue hair?

As much as I love this video, I can't relate enough to give you my two cents about what you should know before having a baby. What I can relate to, though, is all the women of television who want babies at some point and don't know when or how:

1. Liz Lemon, when she accidentally steals a baby

If you've never watched 30 Rock then first, let me just tell you that you need to rethink your entire life. Second, here's a recap: Liz wants to become a mother. She's so keen on the idea that she actually steals a baby. She gives it back, but on second viewing, I have to say maybe she's on to something. Like, if I take someone else's child, that would save me the whole pregnancy thing...OK, I hear it. Never mind.

2. Liz Lemon when she pretends to be pregnant

I mean, she does it while covering for a friend. So, it's more ridiculous and noble than, ya know, offensive and disturbing.

3. In Broad City, when Ilana births a bag of weed

It really gives child birth a whole new meaning, doesn't it? This is the level of birth that some women are more ready for right now. Two enthusiastic thumbs up for them.

4. Anything Phoebe says the entire time she's pregnant on Friends

If I had a nickel for every time Phoebe announces she's been pregnant with her brother's babies and then backtracks and says, "Oh! Let me explain." She births her brother's babies, houses rat babies and drives herself and everyone else crazy while pregnant. (That's how I'm going to be too, Pheebs.)