8 Great, Alternate Endings To 'Mad Men'

This isn't the end of something, it's the beginning, Don Draper told the staff before they were dissolved into McCann Erickson and Don dissolved into Dick into the Great American West. On Sunday, AMC ended an era with the final episode of Mad Men was called "Person to Person," hinting even in the episode's title at the idea of a return to humanity. I'm a huge fan of Mad Men, and I'm especially a huge fan of Stan and Peggy; their admittance of true love was, I felt, Matthew Weiner's one small pittance to we fans who had to endure his heartbreak for years and years. (They are two sexy creatives totally in LOVE!)

I don't think that time I will ever come to change my mind and decide that I dislike the Mad Men ending. It was so much of what I loved about the series crammed into 75 or so beautiful minutes: weird, sad Don emotes awkwardly and realizes stuff. Hippie dippie dream sequences. Joan blazes her way. Pete... is Pete. Of course, there was and is the striking D.B. Cooper theory that would have brought Don Draper's world into ours — or at least connected it through legend. But for those out there who wanted something more than Don's return to run the Coke campaign, those who want something different than "Person to Person," here are some alternate ending theories to theorize on.

1. Harris-Olsen

Obviously this is the frontrunner for a spin-off (for me, tied between this and Sally Draper becoming A Woman). Harris-Olsen would be a formidable firm to f**k with. And hopefully they will learn from Betty and quit smoking.

2. Drink, Smoke, Cry

Errrr, eat, pray, love? Don, instead of going back to the cold windowless offices of McCann, runs off to some faraway, brighter, and more spiritual country and later gains 20 extra pounds in pasta. Can you say DadBod?

3. Out Of The Frying Pan And Into The Bunker

First he invented love to sell nylons, then he convinced women their dumbness caused the apocalypse. Say what you will about Dick Whitman/Don Draper/Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, but he's a born salesman.

4. Don Is The One Who Knocks

If there's one thing that AMC shows do better than all the rest, it's miserable dinner party scenes. I demand one of Don and Betty and Walter and Skyler and maybe the kids, too, just for fun. Sally Draper and Walter Jr. could do a lot of shit-talking on their dads, that's for sure.

6. Greed Is Good

Don might have discovered the true Dick in his heart, but I still think he prays to Money as God. So why not ride the wave into the '80s in a tricked out Delorian to peddle some more flashy goods? Maybe Don Draper is the man we need who can tell us, once and for all, where the beef really is.

7. Sally Draper, The Great American Novelist

Coolest part about a rocky upbringing (and I speak from experience) is that, if you're making art of any kind, you've already got all your source material. Can you even imagine for a second the next Great American Novelist being Sally Draper, lamenting her father, the broken, anachronistic spirit of the American Dream, refusing to change its hairstyle, demanding power and agency? And she would marry Glen because he's a war hero like her dad.

8. Who's The Fall Guy?

SERIOUSLY THO?

A toast to you, Mad Men. It may be the end of an era, but my friends will never hear the end of me blathering about the sublime, melancholy perfection of it all.

Images: AMC (2).