I respect that there is really no way to say this without getting kicked off half the internet, but I hate fart jokes. I know, I know, "Everybody poops" and all that jazz, but in the utopia I plan to create when I take over the world in 2045, nobody will fart. It just won't happen. If we can accidentally extinguish the Dodo bird, then surely we can entirely and intentionally eliminate human gas emissions. Then all will be right with the world, because this guy who made a symphony out of his farts would never have inflicted himself on our ears.
OK, OK, I'm being harsh. This video is actually really clever, something that I begrudgingly have to admit both as a person who hates farts and a person who has half of a musical theater degree. The fart that comes out of Loz may sound like just an ordinary fart to the naked ear, but slowed down you hear that, in fact, it has seven different tones. Music is ~everywhere~, guys, even in our restless digestive systems. Because of this, we got a modern day Mozfart. (Butthoven? Johann Segastian Butt? I'm just spitballing here, guys.)
Here's the most artistically sound fart that was ever farted:
I'm either impressed or two seconds away from scrubbing my ears out with dish detergent. The creator of the video says "I fear my best work is behind me," and for the sake of all of humanity, I kind of hope it is.
But hey, in the meantime, we can take comfort in knowing that although farts might not be disappearing anytime soon, they might start smelling better. Apparently there's a pill that can make your farts smell like chocolate, roses, or ginger. In the future we could have beautiful fart symphonies where everyone leaves smelling like a french bakery with a patio garden.
Or you could all just join me in my tyranny against farts and end them forever. Your call.
Images: Getty Images; Giphy
