When I first became inducted into the smartphone world (a bit tardy, TBH, this was circa 2012), I was amazed, sure. But the most important development it introduced to my life was a brand new, highly effective language in which I could now finally communicate in precise, graphic terms my (trust me) incredibly complex thoughts and contributions. Goddess bless Emojis—seriously. Especially now, considering the freshly rolled out diverse Emojis. They're not done there! Next year, 38 new Emojis descend to our mortal phones and they are poised to be truly spectacular.
I feel like you don't definitively know a person until you learn their own secret double meanings to Emoji. Everyone's keen to the whole eggplant means penis one so that doesn't count. The more nuanced, the more in tune you gotta be with a fellow human to actually comprehend. And sometimes it's even deeper than surface double meaning. For example, during my single days, I'd regularly meet unwanted romantic/sexual pursuits with a single dolphin Emoji. These dudes didn't get it, but my friends on the receiving end of the screen captures certainly did, and it provided endless hilarity for us at least (thanks again for that, dudes).
Here is a sampling of next year's emojis:
What kind of secret meanings can we apply to this new crop of Emojis? I take a stab with the full list below:
Face with cowboy hat
Dustin Hoffman, literally.
Clown face
Someone who regularly cracks jokes and won't stop until someone laughs even if it is a thinly-veiled courtesy laugh.
Nauseated face
Pre-, mid-, or post-gym feels.
Rolling on the floor laughing
"Tweens," "youths".
Drooling face
"I want nachos."
Lying face
"You should dump me."
"Call me" hand
A gesture to highlight how old we've all become, because I cannot imagine how ::rolling on the floor laughing:: we could still understand what this means.
Selfie
Synonym to ::rolling on the floor laughing::. Also could mean any number of exes.
Raised backhand
To note a specifically fantastic rear end.
Left-facing fist
"HEY YOU TO THE LEFT."
Right-facing fist
"HEY YOU TO THE RIGHT."
Handshake
An acquantaince who will never know this code.
Hand with first and index finger crossed
"I don't care what happens next or ever."
Pregnant woman
Post-Chipotle feels, regardless of gender identity.
Face palm
"TIFU."
Shrug
"I actually care a lot what happens next and in the general future."
Man dancing
Pay day.
Prince
A dude who's better as a dance partner than a bed or life partner.
Man in tuxedo
Work crushes.
Mother Christmas
"I don't know please let me go back to sleep."
Wilted flower
"Yo, I just got super laid so don't expect to hear back from me for the next half-day or so."
Scooter
"I don't respect that person."
Motorscooter
"I want to befriend that person because of their motorscooter exclusively."
Octagonal sign
"You're late and I'm mad."
Clinking glasses
"Surprise! Yours is O'Douls!"
Black heart
Someone who takes themselves overly seriously.
Croissant
Croissant.
Avocado
"I am in actual, forever love with you."
Cucumber
Penis with positive qualities; "a good one."
Bacon
"Remember sunscreen is important!"
Potato
"I should vote for a healthy dinner option but I'm not going to."
Carrot
Penis with questionable qualities; "not sure yet".
Fox face
Hunger Games trilogy.
Eagle
Patriotic only in fashion sense; Springsteen fans.
Duck
Someone with good hair only.
Bat
::rolling on the floor laughing:: in a temporary goth phase.
Shark
Periods.
Owl
A person who excels specifically at cunnilingus.
Images: Wicker Paradise/Flickr; Giphy (11)
