10 Best Euphemisms For Sex From 00s Rap Songs

Have you ever wanted to sleep with someone, but couldn't find words eloquent enough to truly reflect your carnal desires? That seems to be a problem that plagued rap and hip hop artists in the 00s, because there are countless songs that feature, uhh, creative ways to talk about sex. Sure, hits like "I'll Make Love to You" by Boys II Men get the point across, but I think such a straightforward approach leaves a lot to be desired in terms of creativity. Bonus points to all those artists who went the extra mile to provide us with unforgettable euphemisms that our adolescent selves would have burned into our brains for years to come.

Perhaps because I have an older brother, I've been listening to rap and hip hop for quite a long time. I have a vivid memory of going into Walmart as a young pup and purchasing 50 Cent's iconic album "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" despite it almost certainly being inappropriate for a 12-year-old. It was the first CD I bought with my own money, which I think says a lot about me as a person. That being said, I have plenty of experience with raunchy lyrics, and wanted to give a shoutout to some of my favorite songs from the 00s that (probably) shaped me as a sex-positive human being.

Without further ado, here are the top 10 best 00s rap/hip hop lyrics containing hilarious (and sometimes questionable) euphemisms for sex.

1. Candy Shop — 50 Cent

"I'll take you to the candy shop, I'll let you lick the lollipop, go ahead girl don't you stop, keep going 'til you hit the spot."

This is truly the paragon of sexual euphemisms from the 00s. I don't know a single person in their 20s who can't recite this song word-for-word, which is a testament to its cultural impact and, clearly, its lyrical genius. 50 Cent was definitely spot-on with this one, because, much like candy, sex is usually both sticky and sweet.

2. Laffy Taffy — D4L

"Girls call me Jolly Rancher, oh, 'cause I stay so hard, you can suck me for a long time, oh my God."

Admittedly, I probably had no idea what this meant when it came out in 2005, but that didn't stop me from getting nasty to it at my middle school dances and slumber parties. Even as a certified adult, I'm still not entirely sure what body part the titular Laffy Taffy is supposed to refer to (Ass? Boobs? Everything?), but the Jolly Rancher/blowjob comparison is crystal clear.

3. Work It — Missy Elliott

"Go downtown and eat it like a vulture."

I mean, whatever floats your boat, Misdemeanor, but personally I don't get turned on by any analogy that compares my partner to a vulture, because that implies my vagina is a dead animal. *Shudders*

4. Milkshake — Kelis

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard."

Finally, a lyric I can wholeheartedly relate to and scream unto the heavens. I don't think anyone had achieved the incredible feat of making dairy products sexy until Kelis put out this bop. Thank you, Queen Kelis.

5. Play — David Banner

"Lemme see you play, play with your monkey."

I can't say I fully understand what might be sexy about a monkey, but I can appreciate the larger message behind this song: female pleasure. David Banner is all about women getting wet and encourages masturbation. Can I get an amen?

6. Sugar (Gimme Some) — Trick Daddy ft. Ludacris

"Gimme some of your butter pecan, put it right there on the tip of my tongue."

I can never look at a cone of ice cream the same way again, but in a good way? BRB, going to Cold Stone real quick.

7. Drop It Like It's Hot — Snoop Dogg

"I can exercise you, this can be your Phys. Ed."

Thank you, Snoop Dogg, for making it okay to skip the gym and use sex as your main (or only) source of exercise. All my guilt has just been washed away, and I can focus on working up a sweat in a much more fun way.

8. Goodies — Ciara

"Looking for the goodies, keep on lookin' 'cause they stay in the jar."

While "goodies" is certainly an accurate way to describe genitalia, I think "cookies" might work better with the whole "jar" reference. Either way, this song kills it, and Ciara is a boss bitch who takes charge of her own body and sexuality.

9. Lollipop — Lil Wayne

"She lick me like a lollipop, so I let her lick the wrapper."

This list wouldn't be complete without Lil Wayne's classic jam comparing oral sex to the seemingly innocent cavity-on-a-stick. Bonus points for the wrapper/rapper double entendre here.

10. Yeah! — Usher ft. Ludacris and Lil Jon

"If you hold the head steady I'mma milk the cow."

Nothing like farm animals to really get me going, TBH. Nonetheless, this song remains one of my favorite songs of all time, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I shriek every time it comes on, even as a 22-year-old.

Images: Kris Kesiak/Flickr; Giphy (9); RajWatts/The Coli