As much as we're all obsessed with Tom Hiddleston (read: very), it only makes sense that we'd want him to star in anything and everything, from our action movies to our rom-coms to our reality shows — all the way down to our daydreams. But, even though he's perfect in literally any role ever OMG, there's one show that Tom Hiddleston really shouldn't star in, and it's one you might not expect: The Bachelor. Hang on, I can explain. Some of you just started passing out in disagreement of my claim that Tom Hiddleston shouldn't be the next Bachelor , and I don't have enough smelling salts to revive all of you. You'll just have to hear me out.
Obviously, we'd all love to be able to turn on our televisions and watch Hiddleston in a romantic environment every Monday, and pretend that it's us that he's wooing, but that's not how it would go. The set-up of The Bachelor, and the way Hiddleston lives his life (at least according to my borderline-creepy surveillance from afar), overlap in ways that would make our guy a total disaster on the show. But I know you're stubbornly clinging to the idea that it would be the best thing ever, so here are nine pieces of proof that Hiddles should never be our next Bachelor.
1. He'd Never Be Able To Send Anyone Home
The dude is way too nice to eliminate anyone, so every Rose Ceremony would be a complete bust.
2. So Many People Would Watch The Show That It Would Break Television
You know they'd have one of his married friends, like Benedict Cumberbatch or Chris Hemsworth, on to share their perspective, and it would all be over. DVRs would be combusting like Roman candles.
3. It Would Cripple Chris Harrison's Self-Confidence
How do you expect him to stand next to that every night and not go home and cry into his pillow?
4. He'd Be Too Tempted To Play The Villain
The guy has waaayyyy too much experience playing Loki not to want to throw in some scheming and curveballs.
5. It Would Cause Insane Traffic On LA's Freeways Every Monday Between 8 p.m. And 10 p.m.
As everyone forgot themselves and tried to drive to where Hiddles was, forgetting that the show isn't broadcast live.
6. All The Women Would Leave The Show With Head Injuries
Because they'd get out of the limo in the first episode and immediately collapse in the driveway, devastated by his charm.
7. It Would Start A Massive Brawl The First Time Someone Tried To Steal Him Away During Cocktail Hour
"Can I borrow him for a second?" UM, NO, BUT YOU CAN BORROW A PIECE OF MY MIND.
8. It Would Be Too Expensive Trying To Dress All The Women In Period-Appropriate Costumes
Hey, we want Hiddleston to be in an era where he can really shine, so we need him in a waistcoat 24/7. And you best believe all the ladies better match.
9. He Would Need To Be Hospitalized For Exhaustion...
...after staying awake all hours of the day and night so every woman felt like a priority, and that she was given the respect she deserved.
Yeah, it's really just not worth it. As much fun as it would be in theory to compete for Tom Hiddleston's heart on national television, the devastation that could be wrought by such a season of the Bachelor is just not fair.
Images: Giphy (9)
