There are breakups, and there are breakups…and then there's this: A German man going online by the name der.juli is dealing with his breakup by selling half his belongings on eBay. And I do mean half — he literally took a power saw to everything he and his ex shared. He subsequently put one half of each item up for auction on eBay; according to New.au, the other halves were sent to his ex in the mail. How, exactly, does one mail half a car to someone? I have no idea, but I'm open to suggestions.
On June 16, a video appeared on YouTube entitled, “For Laura.” Its description drips with the sarcasm only a spurned ex can conjure up: “Thank you for 12 'beautiful' years, Laura!!!! You've really earned half,” it reads, adding, “Greetings also to my successor.” Clicking “play” sends you off on an adventure soundtracked by thrashy guitars as der.juli dices up an iPhone, a set of chairs, a bed, and more — the crowning glory of which is, of course, an entire car. Also in the description is a link to der.juli's eBay listings, where you can purchase all of the half-items. The auctions are running until June 26, but be warned that he may not ship outside of Germany.
Is there some sort of deeper context here? I don't actually know. I don't speak German, so unfortunately I can't give you a close textual analysis of what each item's eBay listing says; as far as I can tell from the intensely garbled text Google Translate spat back out at me after I ran a few of the listings through it, though, der.juli and his wife recently divorced. Then he court-ordered that they split their shared belongings 50/50, so that's what he's done…just in an extremely literal sense. The “For Laura” video showing the destruction in all its glory is posted at the bottom of each listing.
I'll be honest: I'm not totally convinced that this isn't all part of some wacky, experimental art project.
Obviously there's always a lot going on in any given breakup, but two of the elements that are always present are these: Dealing with all of the emotional, mental, and otherwise intangible stuff related to it, and dealing with all of the actual objects related to it. What makes it so difficult is that these two elements aren't mutually exclusive. We tend to load up our physical belongings with ephemeral memories, thoughts, and feelings, so doing anything with them after the fact — whether it's deciding who gets what used to be the toaster you shared or simply throwing the toaster out all together — is never as simple as it seems.
And that's kind of what we're looking at here. Even if the people involved in the dissolving relationship maintained a boatload of independence while they were together, a breakup can feel like you've lost half of yourself. Half of a bicycle isn't just half of a bicycle; it's half of all the rides you took together on it on sunny Sunday afternoons. Half of an iPhone isn't just half of an iPhone; it's half of the thousands of conversations, texts, and emails you exchanged over it. Half a television isn't just half a television; it's half of every single Netflix marathon you had together, huddled on the couch with your dog snuggled between you and the remains of your favorite takeout dinner littering the coffee table. Half a car isn't just half a car; it's half of every single car ride you took together, whether it was just to the grocery store or a road trip that stretched halfway across the country.
Regardless as to whether it's an art project, though, the feelings associated with all these strange, divided items are very, very real. And der.juli? If this is how you're coping with the end of a relationship, I hope it helps you find peace.
Images: der.juli/eBay (5)
