The Safest Seat On A Plane Is Also The Worst Seat

Understandably, many people are afraid of flying. Planes are huge, cramped, noisy flying chunks of metal, and most of us probably don't understand the mechanics of flight enough to be soothed by the fact that intricate technology helps keep us safely up in the air. Plane accidents are a rare occurrence, but the anxiety that the possibility of a crash or extremely bumpy flight can cause can be paralyzing for flight phobics. Well, good news! Time has released a report that reveals the safest seat on the plane (so now we can all bum rush it during boarding).

According to the Time study that examined flight accidents over the last 35 years, the plane seats that have cradled the backsides of the most passengers to safety are those located in the middle of back rows. Dang it! Personally I like to sit near the front and in an aisle seat so I can get out of the plane as soon as possible at the end of a flight, but alas, I may have to re-evaluate my seating strategy in light of this new information. My main gripe about ANY middle seat is that you can't look out the window without breathing onto the neck of whomever has the window seat, and you have to scale the lap of the person on the aisle whenever you need to go to the bathroom or stretch your legs.

But never fear, there are plenty of clever tactics that will not only guarantee that you get the safest seat, but will also alleviate that pesky middle seat malaise. Safety is important, but so is not losing your damn mind on a flight.

The Sicky Fake-Out

Run to the middle seat in one of the back rows as quickly as FAA regulations will allow, then dramatically hack, sneeze, sniffle, and groan. Proceed to watch everyone stare at you with disgust as they choose a different row. Suckers.

The Hero

Sit on the aisle seat next to a little kid who is clearly waiting for her parents to board and sit next to her. When the flight attendants call out and ask if anyone would be kind enough to trade a middle seat in the back of the plane so the young child can sit with her parents, arise from your seat next to the child with bravado, giving a knowing and somber nod to the flight attendant, and bask in the glow of approval from your fellow passengers as you take the (better!) seat in the rear.

The Baller

This one will require the acquisition of a little extra cash. Plan to add an extra $100 or so to your travel budget so you can offer it to whomever is willing to trade you their middle seat in the back for a cool Benjamin and a lesser seat on the plane.

The Willy Wonka

Fill one of your carry-on bags with candy. This is a time to pull out all the stops. Load up on Swedish fish, king size Snickers, Sour Patch Kids, and Junior Mints. Use these delicious treats to bribe your row-mates into letting you lean to look out the window, and get them to move out of the way quickly when nature calls you to the plane's restroom.

The Phantom Family

Plant yourself in a safe and cozy middle seat, and when approached by other passengers hoping to snag a spot in your row, smile huge and say, "Oh, sorry! My parents are about to get on the plane and they are going to sit with me. Thanks!" Only there is no mom and dad. You're alone! Buahaha!

Images: Getty Images, Giphy (5)