Life
Some of us loved school as children and never wanted to go home. I was not one of these people. If you weren't either, then you can probably recall a variety of reasons you faked sick in the '90s just so you'd have to deal with one less day of school. Sure, it kind of stunk, because you'd return the next day having to make up the work you missed and not knowing what the heck was going on; but for one day, one blissful day, you could forget it all and pretend school didn't even exist.
We need to give ourselves some credit, because faking sick was an art, really. The logistics of it were overwhelming, and you had to be sure to cover all your bases. What if your mom took your temperature? What if she was so worried she took you straight to the doctor? What if you had to get a shot? No ordinary child of the '90s could pull off a flawless sick day. It took brains. It took bravery. It took talent and skills and a convincing performance. If you happened to fake sick throughout your childhood to get out of having to go to school, it was probably for a really good reason.
1
You Wanted To Avoid Having To Swim In Gym Class
Did anyone actually enjoy this? Nothing stunk more than being dripping wet and smelling like chlorine, and then having to get dressed and go to your next class. Plus, you looked like a wet golden retriever trying to swim.
If you hated this as much as I did, then that would explain the severe cold you mysteriously came down with every time your teacher notified you that you'd be swimming the next day in gym class. *cough cough*
2
You Were Being Bullied
Your parents always told you to stand up to bullies and use your words, so you did — by faking the flu. When you finally returned to school after being gone for a week, your bully was so scared they'd catch whatever you had (which you claimed had side effects like green slime coming out of your ears) that they actually left you alone for a couple days. Mission: accomplished.
3
It Was Picture Day
How about no? No matter what background you chose or what scrunchie you wore or how much frosted lip gloss you had on, you looked like a potato in your school picture every single year. You started faking sick on this day, so the school would be forced to use your student council photo instead, where you looked, like, way cuter.
4
You Didn't Study For That Big Test
Whenever someone was "sick" on the day of a big test, everyone totally knew they were faking it. Who honestly gets sick only on the day of a test, and then returns the next day feeling just fine? Could people be any more transparent?
That didn't stop you from doing it, though. Your effort is noted.
5
There Was A Cartoon Marathon On TV
Um, skipping school to stay home all day and watch Disney or Nickelodeon, eat Sprinkl'ins yogurt, and drink glass after glass of Sunny Delight? That sounds amazing. I bet some of us still do that to this day. (Not me. I'm a responsible adult...)
6
It Was "Bring Your Child To Work" Day
This was the one scheme your parents were actually in on. Whenever they had "Bring Your Child to Work" Day at their place of employment, they'd call you out sick (YES), and you'd get to spend the day sitting at their desk with them, playing on those fancy calculators that print on a roll of paper, making copies of your face, and answering the phone.
7
Your Sibling Was Actually Sick
This might have been the easiest maneuver. If your brother or sister was sick, it stood to reason that you caught whatever germ they had. Your parents might've fallen for it, but your sibling never did; then, they'd accuse you of doing it for attention. We can't lie — this was a reason we'd fake sick.
8
You Wanted Attention From Your Parents
Let's just admit it: We loved getting extra attention from our parents; and sometimes, nothing felt better than pretending to be ill and getting to lay on the couch with them all day while they rubbed our backs and made sure we had plenty of food and juice. Parents are the best at that. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
9
You Were Addicted To Video Games
This was hard to get away with — because how could you play Donkey Kong all day if you were too sick to move? Mom and Dad never wanted you glued to the tube, preferring that you rest quietly instead and read Amelia Bedelia or something like that. Sometimes, you'd sneak video games when your parents weren't around. But you could never, ever get caught, otherwise it was back to school immediately, AND you had to apologize to your teacher. No spank you.
10
Your Teacher Stunk And You Needed A Break
While some of your school teachers in the '90s were cooler than a bag of chips, you had a few stinkers in there too; and every now and then, it got to be too much. You'd feign a tummy ache and beg your mom to let you stay home. It was one less day you'd have to deal with Mrs. "No You May Not Use The Bathroom Pass Right Now, Young Lady!"
