When it comes to gettin' it on, you might consider yourself pretty well-versed in all things related to sex and masturbation. Or, you might just be getting to know yourself. In either case, there's no denying we can all learn a thing or two, especially when it comes to the most important things every woman should know about sex.
Even though it seems pretty straight forward — find a parter (or kick back by yourself) and get busy — there's really so much more going on. And there's so much to learn about what makes you tick. That's why being able to answer a wide variety of questions about sex, as well as knowing what sex means to you, will ensure you have a good time pretty much every time. It can also mean, at the very least, that you'll have the tools to fix the things you don't love about your sex life.
As Sunny Rodgers, a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach says, "It’s important for a woman to be as informed as possible about everything related to sex, because then she can take control of her own pleasure." If that sounds like a noble goal (which, of course, it is) then read on for some sexy questions every grown ass lady should be able to answer.
1. "Do I know what makes me orgasm?"
Every woman is different when it comes to how she orgasms, so what your friend or sister recommends might not work for you. That's why experimenting, and informing yourself, is so important. "When I talk to my clients the number one thing I let them know is that 75 percent of women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to achieve orgasm," Rodgers says. If you haven't been spending enough time figuring out what you like, now's the time.
2. "Is sex supposed to be like it is in the movies?"
The short answer is no. And the more we can bear that in mind, the better. "If you look at pretty much every movie sex scene, every orgasm is simultaneous and achieved by insertion," Rodgers says. "And sadly, for a lot of people this is their sexual education. So it’s important to let women know this isn’t the norm." Many ladies like the aforementioned clitoral stimulation, or some other form of sex that's equally gratifying. It's up to you to figure it out.
3. "Do I have to have a vaginal orgasm?"
Women are pretty lucky in that we can have several orgasms, as well as several different types of orgasms. And no, not all of them have to do with the vagina. "So many women think something is wrong with them if they can’t orgasm via vaginal sex," Rodgers says. You might orgasm from clitoral stimulation, or you might prefer anal sex. Whatever strikes your fancy, it totally counts.
4. "Should I be into porn?"
This is, of course, completely up to you. But again, being open to new things and figuring out what you like is part of a healthy sex life. If you like it, cool. If not, that's completely OK. "If you don't like it, don't want to watch it," Lacy Bentley, a women's sexual addiction recovery coach, tells Bustle. Simple as that.
5. "Can I do it while wearing a tampon?"
If you'd really like to get busy during your period, know that you have options. On the one hand, you can just go for it care-free. Or, you can take some precautions. "If ... you are worried about making a mess, you can leave a tampon or natural sea sponge inserted to absorb excess fluid," intimacy expert Miyoko Rifkin tells Bustle. While you and your partner may feel it, and it may require some retrieval efforts afterward, it's definitely worth keeping in mind.
6. "Do I have to do that?"
Whether it's a new position, or something kinky you're partner would like to try, it's important to know what you're down for as well as where you draw the line sexually. "You never have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, degraded, or injures you," Bentley says. So don't be afraid to say no.
7. "Should I be masturbating?"
This is totally up to you, but I think every woman should know how to enjoy herself all on her own. "Masturbation is important because it gives you the opportunity to discover what you like and don’t like," Rodgers says. To figure out what does it for you, try experimenting. Here are some tips.
8. "Is it still sex if there's no penetration?"
As Rifkin tells me, "sex" is a catchall phrase that includes all types of play and stimulation. It can mean vaginal sex, yes. But sex also includes oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, etc. There is no right or wrong, so do whatever you and your partner enjoy most.
9. "How does my clit work?"
Most of us know we have a great little spot called the clitoris, but is your brain full of fun clit facts? Rodger tells me it contains 8,000 sensory nerve fibers. Interesting, right? It's also connected to your internal clitoris, which reaches far back and around your vagina. It can even become erect when you're aroused. Amazing.
10. "Is it OK to ask for what I want?"
Yes. Yes and yes. "As women we need to be aware of our feelings and desires and ask for what we want," Rifkin says. "Perhaps you just want to have a passionate make out session with someone. Maybe you want an orgasm but don't want to be penetrated. These are conversations that we feel we aren't allowed to have, we're embarrassed to talk about sex, [etc.] The reality is, both partners will find more pleasure if you do."
11. "How can I stop midway through sex?"
While sex can be fun, it is OK to decide halfway through that you're no longer comfortable. So how can you put a stop to it? Ending it and saying you're done is obviously one way. But you can also switch gears to something a little less intense. As Rifkin tells me, you might ask your partner to masturbate for you instead. "Then you can regroup and decide if you want to pursue a sexual encounter when hormones aren't in overdrive," she says.
See what I mean? There's a lot to this sex thing, so make a point of staying as informed as possible. If you know what you like, as well as what is and isn't considered normal, the likelier you are to have a healthy, fun, and safe sex life.
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