Life
There are many reasons to get or rescue a pup. The cuddles. The companionship. The cuddles, again. But once you own a dog you realize rather quickly that the puppy eyes you fell deep into take on a whole new meaning. Most notably, guilt. Probably, a little shame too. Because your dog most likely did something mind numbingly, our-little-secret kind of nasty. Hate to break it to you, but there are some pretty gross things that happen when you own a dog that you probably didn't expect.
You probably won't think about the laundry list of things sweet Fido will one day certainly commit when you're initially connecting with your new best friend. How could a little friend with a wagging tail and panting tongue, eager for kisses, be so crude? Dogs are the best. It's true. But you should be prepared for the other gross truth. This way you won't be in shock when your newest furry friend snacks on deer poop. Because it will happen. Maybe All Dogs Go To Heaven, but not all dogs are ~angels~ all of the time.
Can we blame them though? Have you not stuck your boogers under a couch when nobody was looking? Have you not had some foul odor whiff off of your body? Things... happen. The same goes for your dog. But even after your dog drops something at your feet that makes you cringe and then gag, you'll very soon after fall hard for those puppy dog eyes. All will be forgiven and you will soon be cuddling on the couch. Because all dogs, even when they're gross, are good dogs.
1
You're Picking Up A Lot Of Poop
Yes, it will be all over your lawn and your neighborhood and sometimes in your living room. You will have to cover your hand with the measly glove of a plastic bag to remove it. Sometimes you're even picking dried dingleberries from your dog's butt. Because you can't let it walk around with matted poop on its tail. Because you love your dog and probably cuddle with it. And also, because you can't have dried poop rubbing up all over your precious thread count. The moment you meticulously pick poop from your dogs tail is the moment you become a true dog parent. Oh, and sometimes you'll be mopping up their vomit too because dogs can't puke the stick they shouldn't have eaten outside into a toilet bowl.
2
There Is Hair ... Everywhere
I hope you invest in a primo vacuum. There will be hair all over your house. Sometimes when I'm cooking at my parent's house (they have four dogs. FOUR.) I will find a piece of dog hair in the pasta I just prepared for dinner even though it wasn't there a minute ago. Hair is just the regular air now. Get used to it.
3
Your Furniture Will Get Peed On
Doggos get excited and then they pee. Even if your dog is house trained very well, there can be the occasional accident. Which means your rugs may become a minefield of urine stains.
4
Ticks
Ticks can cling on to humans but they are more likely to be found on dogs, because the little beasts we adore really like getting up close and personal with nature. Regular tick checks are mandatory when you have a dog. Sometimes, however, you'll miss a tick until it becomes engorged and falls off of your dog, slothly crawling on your hardwood floors like a big, bloody pimple ready to burst. I didn't say dog grooming life was glamorous.
5
Your Dog Probably Likes Eating Poop
That means poop breath. In your face. Because your dog probably also likes kissing you.
7
Garbage. Everywhere.
Prepare to meet your used tampons again, as a trail of them will at least once appear sprawled from wall to wall. Dogs have a taste for them and unfortunately, if let near your bathroom garbage, will tear through them like they've just broke into a cookie store. Make sure your bathroom garbage has a dog proof lid.
8
Forest Creatures Could Show Up Dead On Your Porch
It's not that your dog wanted to commit forest creature homicide. They probably just wanted to ~play~ with the living animal that looks exactly like their favorite chew toy. Alas, a dog will go crazy for a backyard squirrel. And on a few occasions they might catch up to them. And, um, kill them. And bring them to you as a precious gift. And then you have to give it a proper burial and sob because your goofy doggo did something really mean and nasty.
9
Hot Spots
Your dog's health is important. You'll most likely treat them as your own kin. So when they get hot spots, which is kind of like puppy eczema, you will freak out as if it were your own kid.WebMD Pets describes the condition, "Hot spots, also known as acute moist dermatitis, are red, moist, hot and irritated lesions." It sucks for your dogs. And it's up to you to take care of it by administering medication and helping your dog refrain from scratching and licking it. It's gross but the things we do for those we love.
10
Poop With Weird Stuff In It
A lot of these gross things have to do with poop, but thankfully, unless you have a baby, you have minimal exposure to it. With a dog, you have to look at it to make sure they're healthy. You have to touch it so your neighbor doesn't chase you down the street with a pitchfork when Mittens dumps on their lawn. Sometimes that poo will have some funky things in it because Spot ate something it shouldn't have when you weren't looking. Like that lost sock.
11
There Will Be A Lot Of Humping
This isn't gross as much as it is nature, but there will be days you don't want your leg humped. There will be dog park moments where you'd rather Wally didn't try to get it on with a stranger's poodle. Unfortunately, it's gonna happen.
12
Eye Boogers
Sleep in your dog's eyes should not be there. So get up close and personal for the sake of your dog's hygiene and get those nasty boogers out of your dog's sweet eyes.
13
The Farts
We all fart. We sometimes blame it on the dog. But you will know when your dog farts. Because most of the time, it isn't human. I blame it on the dog food.
