Life
No matter how in touch with your sexual side you are, sometimes you'll have a day when you're just not feelin' the romantic vibes. This should go without saying, but it's always OK if you're simply not in the mood for sex — there's no justification needed. Nonetheless, it's also totally cool if you still want to get it on, even on a day when you're feeling a little blah or insecure. So what are the best sex positions for when you're not feeling your best?
"When you're feeling self-conscious, try to emphasize the parts of your body you do like," Antonia Hall, MA., a psychologist and relationship expert, tells Bustle.
A little bit of insecurity is totally normal and doesn't have to be an obstacle for your sex life, but it's also worthwhile to reflect on what might be causing any self-esteem issues you're experiencing, so you can get to the root of the problem and tackle it head-on. "It's important to watch your mindset, and question what voices are leading you to feeling self-conscious," Hall says. "Your partner wouldn't be in the bedroom with you if they didn't find you attractive. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we should be, and this critical mindset will make it much more difficult to relax and enjoy intimate time with your partner."
So the next time you're having an off day and not feeling at the top of your game (but are still game to get busy), choose one of these five tried-and-true positions to help give you a confidence boost in bed.
1
Missionary
Apparently, the classics are classics for a reason: missionary is a seriously underrated position that can make for some steamy sex (no matter how long you've been together) and can be the perfectly intimate position you need on an off day.
"It's also a great position for connecting intimately with your [partner], and offers free hands to give erogenous zones extra love and attention," Hall says.
2
On-Top
It may seem counterintuitive to take the reins on a day when you're feeling a little self-conscious, but putting yourself in charge might be the jolt of energy you need to get in the zone — especially if your boobs make you feel like a sex goddess.
"You can connect with great eye contact, or make [them] moan by kissing down [their] neck while you ride [them]," Halls says. "You set the depth and pace in this position, so angle yourself to ensure you reach the big O or even multiple!"
3
Doggy Style
If you feel hottest in ass-on-display positions, doggy is the perfect position to give you confidence during sex. Love your butt?
"Let [your partner] take you from behind," Hall says. "You can add pillows beneath you to support your body and help angle... so [they] hit your G-spot. You can also easily add a toy to increase pleasure."
4
Spooning
Another tip? When you're not feeling particularly sexy, the best positions might be those that focus on physical or emotional closeness, as opposed to visual stimulation. "The spooning position allows for the penetrating partner to fully explore the other partner's erogenous zones," Noni Ayana, M.Ed., Principal Consultant at Exploring Relationships Intimacy and Sexuality, tells Bustle. "The receiving partner may feel sexually appreciated, while not being within full view."
5
Mutual Masturbation
Another super satisfying way to have sex on an off day? Try mutual masturbation with your partner: by focusing on pleasuring yourselves together, you'll feel good while you both learn about what you like and want in bed. It's an intimate act, but there's less pressure, and you don't lose out on having an amazing orgasm.
At the end of the day, it's normal to experience bouts of insecurity, but there are ways to feel more confident in yourself — a trait that can't be overrated. "Boosting confidence in bed should start before reaching the bedroom," Ayana says. "Compliments are cool, but sometimes become predictable, losing their appeal. Physical touch is what many people are missing, and are in need of on a daily basis. We often get caught up in a sex routine, and forget about experiences that may seem insignificant but can have lasting effects. A simple rub on the cheek, spontaneous kiss on the forehead, a tight hug or firm embrace, holding hands, and (for some) a firm smack on the ass are acts of closeness that makes a partner feel appreciated, attractive, desired, and even sexy."
So even if you're not feeling your best, you can still experience intimacy with your partner — which might be just what you need to feel better.
