It can seem like a bit of a learning curve when you're having sex with someone new. First, there's the sense of the unknown and the lack of experience with this person — but it's also the fact that what works with one partner doesn't always translate into another.
"We all come with our own sexual history and we can draw from previous experiences, but no two people are the same," sexologist Dr. Megan Stubbs, tells Bustle.
If you're having sex with someone new for the first time, it can make a huge difference if you touch base about sex and your preferences with a quick conversation first. "Assess your expectations and align them with your partner," Dr. Michael Reitano, MD, physician in residence at sexual health startup Roman, tells Bustle. "Talking about sex doesn't have to be a dry conversation about logistics. The truth is the preparation for sex allows the participants to begin to imagine what is to come and build positive sexual tension all while stressful details are shed."
Once you have a sense of each other, the sex itself serves as a time to experiment, negotiate, and feel each other out. If you're feeling anxious, pick great sex positions where you feel comfortable and supported — that don't involve anything too fancy. Here's what you can try.
1
Modified Doggy
How To Do It: Lay on your stomach, using your arms to prop you up slightly as your partner enters you from behind. You can use a pillow under your hips if that feels easier — or start in doggy and lower yourself down from there.
Why It Helps: It's intense and intimate, but it doesn't have that eye-contact feel if you're not ready for that yet. It's a great position to get comfortable in and stay in for a while.
2
Woman On Top
How To Do It: With your partner sitting up, straddle them and slowly lower yourself down — focus on grinding or bouncing, whatever feels best.
Why It Helps: If you love just straight cowgirl, go for it — but this variation, with your partner leaning against the wall and drawing their knees up to help draw you closer, is a bit of a gentler option.
3
Spooning
How To Do It: Lay on your side, with your partner behind you — your hips should be slightly higher than theirs. As you lift one leg, they should enter you from behind. This can also be done with a strap on. It can feel a little awkward at first, so try a few different angles — and maybe some lube.
Why It Helps: Another intense and intimate position, this one does require a lot of legwork. It's one that most partners will be able to get into quite easily, so you can focus on the sensation.
4
In A Chair
How To Do It: While your partner sits in a chair, straddle them and lower yourself down. If you're feeling more adventurous, you can try it facing away from them.
Why It Helps: It's a position that brings you close together, but also one that is easy to get into and stay into — so you don't have to deal with a lot of fumbling around.
5
Sofa Brace
How To Do It: In this variation, traditional doggy gets a twist — you can position yourself at the edge of a couch and brace yourself over the arm.
Why It Helps: If you want to get a little more wild, this position edges you toward doggy, but still gives you a little more control if you're worried doggy with a new partner will be too intense.
6
Coital Alignment Technique
How To Do It: In traditional missionary, lift your knees up higher and hike them around your partner's hips.
Why It Helps: This simple twist on missionary will help give you more pelvic alignment and clitoral stimluation — a great way to enjoy yourself with a new partner.
7
Modified 69
How To Do It: Take the traditional 69 position and make it far more comfortable (and sustainable), by switching to both of you laying on your side.
Why It Helps: Sticking to oral sex with a new partner is a good way to learn how they like to be stimulated — and this variation will allow you both to be comfortable so you can really focus on the task at hand.
Sex with a new partner might make you feel nervous — and that's totally common. Stick with positions in your comfort zone and, most importantly, keep the communication flowing.
