It's 2018 and guess what, social media is simultaneously the very best and very worst thing that has happened ever. As in, ever. Now, with the aid of let's say for example, Instagram, you can go deep and research every single thing possible about this crush. Even if you don't know their name or anything about them, you can find a link. You know you can. If that Insta hit is not enough to wet your whistle, there is Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. They could be selfish and not have a social media presence for their potential crushes. Ew, boooooring. But hey — that's what Google is for.

As a proud intersectional feminist, this is not what one would expect. Personally, I wouldn't change my name for anyone, I am proud of my family and my name. Also, I am a flipping lesbian so don't have to conform to traditional heterosexual norms. Nor does anybody of any gender or sexuality have to conform to these norms. Yes 2018!

Yet. Ugh.

This is one I have to admit to and I know you have done it too. It sort of slips into your mind out of nowhere and even if it is only for a moment, a brief whisper... you absolutely did think about it and you absolutely are also a little naff.

OK, maybe you have got the digits. For whatever shady reason you have made up, or even maybe through the use of your feminine guile, you have got the bloody digits. Go you!

So if and when you pluck up the courage to text them, you will probably over think what you are going to write. Oh you will think, think, and think again. In my experience, being a woman means being a bit too clever which leaves you open to thinking waaaaay to much about what that message you send contains.

You: "Hey! It was so nice to see you the other night. How are you today? Doing anything fun this week? LOL"

They inevitably won't reply straight off because generally people are busy with their own lives and if they actually like you there are all these rules we are expected to adhere to. So when they do respond, a few days later after you have been staring at your phone constantly...

Them: "You too! Not much, u?"

This sends you into an absolute mad spiral. Screengrab that, send to all of your BFFs, talk about scenarios, talk about responses, OMG, what next?

This can feed back to number one. You have already done like, way too much research into your love interest. You know you have, and I bet you are putting it to use. Maybe you will try and get into something that they are into, so then you have another thing in common. Apart from being perfect for each other. Right?!

Not creepy at all I swear.

Oh no wait...

There is that fine line when you know like, OK this is really weird but also, romantic? Bit romantic right? If it works in the movies it will have to work IRL.

Again, all that ground work done on social media should help here, or the texts but also good old fashioned returning to the scene of the crime is a pretty classic tactic.

Maybe the pub you met is their local?

Now maybe it's YOUR local too! Small world! It's only two trains, a bus and then a 19 minute walk to this place so why wouldn't it be your local?

Put that large red wine down babes, it is getting awkward.

So if you have managed to make proper contact and are using all those conversational skills you have practiced you are maybe actually, like, getting somewhere. Maybe this isn't creepy behaviour, it is just romance and fate.

Then you start the OTT laughing. At like, everything they say. It's like an out of body experience, watching people make eejits of themselves, but hun you are the eejit here. It's you. You are the one cackling like a hyena in an attempt to both show that you are interested, but also play it cool and seem like a fun person.

This is generally coupled with your body language screaming "interested" with arm patting, or maybe more like arm hitting, when you get a bit too nervous and over zealous.

So maybe despite all the creepiness and awkward behaviour you have bagged a trip back to theirs for a "night cap" or for a "coffee." Insert relevant winky emojis here.

Yeah, but then your inner detective takes over. They step out of the room for like a nano second and then suddenly, you are looking through their stuff. You know it's crazy, you know it's weird but you just can't stop.

Hmm what's in this drawer? Uh oh.

Why not just go completely strange and steal something of theirs. For the record I would like to say I haven't done this but I have had it done to me, a few times. Right out my dang laundry basket.

Stealing a token of your affection might seem super cute and romantic and thoughtful but actually like... stealing someones dirty clothes without their knowledge does cross a bit of a line.

When you really like someone, it can drive you absolutely nuts. That addictive and intoxicating feeling of liking someone is really like nothing else. If they are the right person they won't be put off by your loopy behaviour and will probably be doing the exact same thing over at their place.

So creep on little creep, you are great.