Life
When it comes to romantic relationships, aside from having a strong emotional connection, a physical connection is important, too. If you feel your sex life isn’t what it used to be, luckily, there are ways to get the passion back into your relationship, and certain games and activities can help.
“To grow passion, couples can make sure their sex life does not become routine,” Cyndi Darnell, sex and relationship therapist, tells Bustle. “One of the things we know about desire is that it thrives on variety. Neuroscience, while a relatively new field of knowledge, suggests that the brain’s capacity to influence libido is great, since the brain controls our capacity for both wanting and liking things.”
She says that when the brain becomes accustomed to what is ‘repeated,’ its capacity for wanting that thing may be reduced. But this doesn’t mean you no longer like it — the context is such that you do not want it. “Think loud music while we are trying to sleep,” Darnell says. “It doesn’t mean we don’t like or love loud music — we just do not want it in that context.”
I know — you may hear “sex games” and think of scenes out of 50 Shades of Grey, but that’s not necessarily the case. “Sometimes when people think of sex games, their mind goes to some extreme BDSM scene where you’re playing in a kinky scene with your partner,” Bethany Ricciardi again, sex and relationship educator with TooTimid.com, tells Bustle. “But there’s so many types of adult games. Yes, some are hardcore BDSM play, but others are less intimidating, still exciting, and will increase sexual pleasure.”
If you’re looking for ideas to increase the passion in your relationship, there are several sex games and activities you can try. Below, relationship experts weigh in with some ideas.
1
Erotic Dice
If you and your partner are new to playing sex games, Erotic Dice are a good choice. “You roll them and fate decides what you and your partner have to do next,” Ricciardi says. “All your attention is on your partner, and no one is losing at this gambling table. Of course, things will heat up quickly!” She also says that games like this will really push your partner’s comfort zone and will get you both in the mood.
“They’re also discreet and perfect to bring on your next vacation together,” Ricciardi says. Plus, even if you don’t have a set of erotic dice handy, maybe you have other dice laying around and can determine what each side means.
2
Truth or Dare
You’ve probably played “Truth or Dare” as a kid or in high school or college. But the version you play with your partner can be very different, of course. “It can be hard to introduce new ideas in the bedroom, but turning it into a game of ‘Truth or Dare’ can loosen things up and get you both in the mood,” Brianna Rader, relationship and sex educator and founder of the Juicebox Sex & Relationship App, tells Bustle. “Try asking something like... 'What’s on your sexual bucket list?’” As far as ‘dare’s are concerned, it’s time to get creative. “If your partner chooses ‘dare,’ try saying, ‘Put on a blindfold and lick the body part I place in front of your mouth’ or ‘Use a sex toy on yourself for 60 seconds.’”
3
Ask Each Other Sex Discovery Questionnaires
Another easy sex activity is finding a sex discovery questionnaire online, Caleb Backe, health and wellness expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. “The purpose of these quiz-like questions is to get couples to open up to each other — and to themselves! — about their fantasies and what they would want to explore sexually,” he says. “Each partner takes the test, and then their results are compared.”
4
Write On Each Other With Chocolate
Another erotic activity you and your partner can try in order to up the passion in your relationship is by using chocolate and writing on each other. “For instance, with ‘Chocolate Edible Play Pens,’ you can write all over each other and eat the chocolate off,” Ricciardi says. “Write your most intimate desires or tell your partner to write what they want you to do next to them,” she says. Be creative and romantic, and lick it off for fun, sexy foreplay. Your partner is going to be your favorite canvas!” Even without having specific chocolate pens at your disposal, chocolate makes for an intimate ingredient to add to your sex life.
5
Adult Board Games
“One way to help grow the passion in your relationship is through adult board games,” Ricciardi says. “You’ll feel so much closer to your partner on a number of levels, and the passion will be burning as you look forward to exploring new and exciting ways to please your partner. Plus, who doesn’t love a good game night in?” For instance, you can play Scrabble and only come up with seductive words, or you can go to an adult store to find a more X-rated game.
6
Tell Each Other Your Sexual Fantasies
In this sex activity, you and your partner tell each other your sexual fantasies — so it’s like sexting, but in real life. “Some people may feel awkward to express their sexual desires in a straightforward sort of way — they may fear they may be judged harshly or get a negative reaction from their partner,” Backe says. “Nevertheless, people should feel free to explore their sexuality, especially when they are with a partner. Part of almost any meaningful and intimate relationship is giving and receiving sexual pleasure.”
Backe suggests that you reveal a sexual fantasy to your partner, but to disguise it as a dream. “This is a classic way of gauging how your partner feels about a certain kink or idea,” he says. “If they seem interested, float the idea of trying it. If they dismiss it, consider their position on it, and see how you take it from there.” He adds that dreams can be a fun way to explore the “what if” side of things, without it becoming too awkward.
7
Vibrator Trivia Games
A lot of people are trivia fans, but this trivia game may not happen at a Pub Quiz at your local bar. “Take turns applying a vibrator to your partner’s genitals while having them answer trivia questions,” Rader says. “You can use cards from an existing game or invent your own. Each right answer gets a point, and be sure to ‘reward’ the winner in the end.”
8
Strip Poker
Chances are, you may already have a poker set, but if not, you can get one for a dual purpose — for poker *and* your sex life. “This twist on your classic game isn’t too intimidating,” Ricciardi says. “The reward would be to keep your clothes on while you watch your partner strip, but it’ll be a win-win for everyone. You can liven up your date night or bring the cards in later and make it a sexy surprise.”
9
Create Your Own Game With Things You Have Around The House
Dr. Chauntelle Tibbal, sociologist, sex educator, and resident sex and social behavior expert at Motorbunny, believe that *anything* can be turned into a sex game or activity.
“Since just about anything can be a game, try formulating your own,” she tells Bustle. “Use teledildonic devices when you’re out and about to gently surprise your partner. In addition, find secret ways of sexy ‘goal-setting’ on a daily basis, or establish little private rituals.” One way to do this is to create some cards with tasks and points, she says, and the winner takes all.
“Most importantly, the most significant thing to remember with any sort of game play is consent, followed closely by refraining from shame,” Tibbal says. “Because of wider social norms surrounding sexual miscommunication, it is difficult to open up about sexual desires. Be mindful of your partner’s comfort levels — as well as your own — as you introduce new games and activities.”
As you can see, there are several games and activities that can help grow the passion in your relationship. Of course, the best part is, you can try out different sex games and activities and see which ones work best. Or perhaps you’ll use the ideas above for #sexgameinspo and invent your own.
