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If you're interested in trying kink for the first time, you're not alone. It can be tricky talking to your partner about your sexual desires if you haven't done it before, but you should, because there's really nothing to be ashamed of. What you should keep in mind is that part of the difficulty is that what seems vanilla to one person might be kinky to another, so explaining what you're into can always feel like going out on a limb.
"Kink is subjective,” Vincent, the head of Vermont Alternative Sexuality Education, tells Bustle. “A lot of people try to quantify what kink is and how extreme one act versus another act is. For some people, spanking is extremely hardcore while some people don’t find it to be kinky at all."
And if you need more motivation, know that kink is probably way more common than you think. A new survey shows that America is kinky... and looking to get even kinkier. A survey of 2,000 Americans by the sex toy company EdenFantasys found that one in four Americans consider themselves kinky and many are looking to explore new sex acts. It's just that not everybody has told their partner, yet.
If you're looking to branch out with your partner, start by talking about your fantasies and go from there. "When I have dated people who feel that I’m kinkier than they are, we start with their fantasies and build from there," Vincent says. So start by just trying to open up the lines of communication — and see where you go.
And considering that almost half of Americans are kinky, there's a decent chance your partner will be into trying something new too. Here's what EdenFantasys found.
1
40% Consider Themselves "Kinky"
Forty percent of Americans think that that word describes them though, like we've seen, "kinky" can be really subjective.
2
29% Want To Get More Into Anal
Yup, we're jumping right into anal, because nearly a third of Americans want to get more into it. In fact, 18 percent of people apparently made it a New Year's resolution to give anal sex a try... which makes me very glad we didn't share our resolutions over Christmas dinner.
3
24% Want To Get More Into Role Play
Role play was high on the list too, with almost one in four people saying that they wanted to try it more. It's an easy way to spice things up and, even within role play, you can make it work for everyone by making it as kinky or as vanilla as you want. It's a great way to ease into kink.
4
14% Wanted To Try Being A Sub/Dom
Getting more into traditional kink territory, 14 percent of people wanted to try either being a dominant or a submissive.
5
Almost Half Are Willing To Bring In A Toy
Sex toys were probably the most approachable kinky thing to try, with 49 percent of people saying that they'd be cool with bringing a toy into the bedroom.
6
27% Had A Secret Sex Act In Mind But Haven't Told Their Partner
This was maybe the most interesting fact. So, over a quarter of people — 27 percent — had a specific, secret sex act in mind that they wanted to try, but they hadn't told their partner yet. Maybe some people worry that their partner might not understand or might not be interested in it, but it's important that you're always open about what you want sexually.
7
37% Have Met A Partner With A Kink And Given It A Try
This fact was really heartening: 37 percent of those surveyed had tried a kink after they met a partner who was into it. And that's a higher number than the last figure of those who hadn't told their partner about kinks they wanted to try. So it looks like more people might be interested in trying out something new than you might think.
Maybe it's the Fifty Shades of Grey effect, but it feels like America is getting pretty damn kinky. From calling ourselves kinky to being willing to try new things, it looks like a lot of us are embracing our saucier side. So if you're curious, go ahead and talk to your partner. You never know what they might be into it.
