When we think of the effect porn has on relationships, we normally think of it as a negative thing. But you might be surprised— really surprised— to find that porn actually may be incredibly useful in a relationship — and even in dating. New research shows that watching porn before a first date may help it go better. OK, I know it sounds wild, so bear with me.
Basically, it's all about sexual priming. A new study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin called (wait for it) 'Sex Unleashes Your Tongue' looks at the way thinking about sex affects our behavior. The small study, led by Professor Gurit E. Birnbaum, looked at 246 straight people and showed them sexual and nonsexual stimuli. Not only were those who were shown sexual stimuli more likely to go on a blind date, they were more likely to disclose personal information. And that means better dates.
Why? Well, disclosing personal information actually makes people like you more, the Birnbaum found. But it can go too far. "Yes! Self-disclosure should be reciprocal and gradual," Birnbaum tells Bustle. "Otherwise, it may backfire. For one, exposing too much, too soon may deter the other person ('stranger-on-a-train' phenomenon). In addition, if the other person does not reciprocate and self-disclose to you, it may indicate that this person is less interested in getting closer to you. Hence, people should pay attention to cues of their partner's responsiveness, which are crucial to developing an authentic sense of intimacy."
But the idea of loosening things up a little certainly doesn't seem like a bad idea. So maybe a little bit of porn — or whatever sexual stimuli you enjoy — before you head out will put you in the right frame of mind for a first date.
Not up your alley? Don't worry. Here's what else can help a first date go swimmingly:
1
Choose Your Topics Wisely
Research from American Journal of Sociology shows that talking about what you're passionate about can make a date feel more bonded to you. If that's not intense enough, try the 36 questions designed by psychologists to build intimacy and maybe even make you fall in love in record time.
2
Sushi, Sushi, Sushi
I know, it sounds specific. But Match's massive Singles In America survey found that eating sushi on a first date boosted the likelihood of a second date by a huge 170 percent. If that doesn't sound your style, that's OK, after dinner drinks can also boost the likelihood of a second date.
3
Get Your Timing Right
Match also found that timing is important for a date. People are more up for evening dates but, even more than that, the length of a date is crucial. In fact, two and a half hours is the length you want to aim for, according to the survey. Enough for a date to be interesting and to learn about a person— but not enough to drag it on.
First dates can be amazing or awful and most of that will come down to the two of you and your chemistry, but there are certainly some tricks that can help it go a little smoother— and it turns out a little porn won't go amiss.
