If you have never faked an orgasm, you just might be in the minority. You're also my new hero. Although the orgasm gap is closing, there's still a disparity in how often women orgasm during sex compared to how often men orgasm. I, myself, as much as I hate to admit to it, have faked more than a few orgasms in my life. For the most part, it was in the interest of wanting to wrap things up, knowing full-well I just wasn't going to climax, so it was time to just move on to eating pizza or watching TV instead. Although I am proud to say, that I haven't faked one in quite a few years, the reason being a combination of guilt, if it was with someone I cared deeply about, and the fact that I deserve to orgasm, so why lie about it?
"Women aren't generally comfortable discussing their pleasure and desires," Sarah Watson, Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist, tells Bustle. "We aren't taught during sex education that sex is for pleasure... [or] that pleasure is important to discuss with your partner. Women fake [orgasms] for a multitude of reasons but I think the biggest reason is the lack of communication with our partners."
A recent study by Dr. Ed found that seven in 10 women have faked an orgasm at some point. The study of 2,000 people, 1,110 men and 890 women, found that faking it still exists for women and, yes, even some men, too. But as for why people fake it and how they feel after faking it varies.
Here are five ways women feel after they've faked an orgasm.
1
Most Feel Neutral About Faking It
According to the study, 48 percent of women report feeling neutral after faking an orgasm with their partner. As in, it didn't faze them one way or another. Honestly, this is sort of distressing. It almost suggests that faking it is such an inherent part of our sexual culture, that it doesn't warrant a strong emotion in either direction.
2
Some Feel Thankful
For 25 percent of women, they feel "thankful" that they can fake an orgasm... which is interesting, no? I have to say of all the times I faked it, I never felt thankful. A couple moans and few squeezes of your vaginal muscles and some partners are totally clueless to the fact that they'd been duped. Hell, for some, only you need are the moans and they'll pat themselves on the back for thinking they made you come.
3
Then There Are Those Who Feel Guilty
If you're in a long-term relationship or even in a new relationship with someone you totally think is the cat's pajamas, faking it can definitely make you feel guilty. You are, after all, lying to your partner, and not feeling guilty after lying is, at least in my opinion, a gift. A gift I sometimes wish I had.
4
Less Than 10 Percent Feel Annoyed
As the study found, eight percent of women report feeling "annoyed" that they had to fake it. Which leads to me to ask: "Then why fake an orgasm?" Since the same study found that 31 percent of women who had faked it and admitted to it, had partners who tried harder when they found out the truth, it gives us some shining proof that your partner does care if you climax. So why let yourself be annoyed? Or guilty or neutral or any of it?
5
A Minimal Amount Feel Ashamed
While it's totally natural to feel something, even if it's indifference after faking it, you should never feel ashamed. In fact, if I could abolish shame from all sex-related things with a snap of my fingers, I would do that immediately and spare all of us from ever experiencing such a feeling again. That being said, the study found that 4.7 percent of women feel ashamed after faking an orgasm. But if you find yourself in this category, please don't do this to yourself; there's no need to feel ashamed. Instead, look at WHY you're faking it — is it for you or your partner? — and examine that end of things, as opposed to letting yourself feel shame.
"Women need to understand that sex is about pleasure, fun, and intimacy and having really great orgasms adds to all of that," Dawn Michael, Clinical Sexologist at The Happy Spouse, tells Bustle. "The best tip for women is to know their own body and how to please themselves and then share that with their partner. Speak up when it comes to sexual pleasure and realize that sexual pleasure should be enjoyed equally, and no one person's pleasure is more important than the other's."
