Life

Why We Need To Stop Kink-Shaming Trump

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Yesterday, yet another bomb in the ongoing saga of Donald Trump and his possible ties to Russia was dropped. Although its contents have yet to be verified, Buzzfeed published a dossier by a former British intelligence agent alleging some pretty damning information about Trump. Among allegations that the Russian government has been “cultivating” the president-elect for as many as five years and allegations that Trump’s campaign was supplying information to Russia, the one thing that everyone seems to be really focused on is the "golden shower" part of the document.

According to the claims in the dossier, after the Obamas had stayed in the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in Moscow, Trump allegedly booked the same presidential suite where he hired “a number of prostitutes to perform a "golden showers" (aka urination) show in front of him. The hotel allegedly was known to be under FSB control with microphones and concealed cameras in all the main rooms to record anything that went on. The same section of the dossier calls out Trump’s alleged “personal obsessions and sexual perversion,” while also calling his alleged behavior in the room “perverted.”

Trump responded to the allegations on Twitter, of course, calling it "fake news."

On Wednesday, he responded again with a series of tweets comparing the United States to Nazi Germany.

During a press conference at Trump Tower on Wednesday, Trump addressed the allegations, citing germaphobia as his defense against the golden shower claims. As for the other allegations, his defense is that he always behaves himself when he's travels in case there are hidden cameras.

Since the release of this dossier, Trump and the alleged golden showers have become the butt of pretty much every joke in the past 24 hours. All you have to do is get on Twitter to see that #GoldenShowers is trending, as the world cackles at the possibility of it being true.

Yes, of all the “kompromat” (Russian for compromising material) that the dossier alleges, it’s the golden shower claim that’s getting the most attention, as Trump is ridiculed over and over for it. This is essentially kink-shaming.

Listen, I don’t like Donald Trump. I hate everything he stands for, and to know that he’s about to be the president of the United States in just over a week makes me embarrassed to be American. But despite that, I do take issue with kink-shaming. In fact, I take A LOT of issue with kink-shaming. And while Trump has denied kink allegations by claiming he's too much of a "germaphobe," the fact that people are so quick to ridicule him for allegedly having one is troubling to me.

According to a March 2016 study published in The Journal of Sex Research, 45.6 percent of people are interested in “at least one type of sexual behavior that is considered anomalous,” while 33 percent had experienced this “anomalous” behavior at least once. Not only that, but 2014 research found that Urolagnia, which is the fetish for urine and would include golden showers, is in the top 10 sexual fetishes. Basically, it’s not all that uncommon.

“There are many people, more than you think, who are not vanilla,” Sex Expert Dr. Logan Levkoff tells Bustle. “We’re not all supposed to experience our sexuality the same way… and we’re understanding that more than ever. You don’t even know what your best friend or neighbor are doing unless you’re with them… you have no idea what others are into sexually.”

"Shame doesn’t serve the greater good; never has and never will."

As someone whose sexual interests are definitely on the kinky side, I am profoundly disappointed that Trump is being shamed for just what might be a sexual kink of his. Granted, I, personally, do not have a fetish for urine, but as someone who writes about sex, has an active sex life, and is extremely open minded about all things sex-related, I strongly believe that when it comes to sex, what gets people off is not something that should ever be shamed. As long as it involves consenting adults, what someone does in their sex life is their business. It’s not my business, it’s not your business, and if we feel the urge bubbling up inside us to judge someone if their kink and fetishes become exposed, we need to stop.

In regards to Trump and the allegations in the dossier, the golden shower component should be the least of our problems. We should be focusing on the allegations that Trump and Putin have, metaphorically, been in bed with each other for years. We should be focusing on the possibility that while Trump doesn’t see the point in daily intel briefings about the U.S., he’s allegedly more than willing to accept intel from Russia. There’s a word for such an action, if the allegations are true, and that word is treason. Shouldn’t we be more concerned with the alleged treason on Trump’s part than whether or not he likes to watch or receive golden showers?

“The truth is there is no place for shaming anyone for things that our bodies and minds enjoy,” says Dr. Levkoff. “Consenting adults are allowed to make whatever decisions they want, to try anything they want… as we grow up and evolve we try out a lot of things in an effort to find out who we are, as well as how to enhance our relationships.”

Human sexuality is complicated and complex, and something that even scientists have yet to fully understand. People have fetishes for latex, for adult babies, for dressing in animal costumes, and other things that many of us couldn’t imagine in a million years as being even remotely sexual in nature. But you know what? Who cares? If it’s not your cup of tea, then it’s not your cup of tea. You nor I are in any place judge.

“At the end of the day, consenting adults are consenting adults,” says Dr. Levkoff. “Shame doesn’t serve the greater good; never has and never will.”

Although, for a lot of us, there’s a joy that comes when allegations against Trump are released, as we’re hoping for some sort of miracle that something will come up that will absolutely solidify that he won’t actually get sworn in next week, the reality is we need to focus on what’s important and what’s not. So pick your battles. Do we condemn him for his alleged sexual kinks or do we condemn him for alleged treason, the hate he spreads, his disrespect for women, and rights he could take away from so many Americans? Think about it.