Wellness
And not one has to do with the weather.
As more people get vaccinated, the invitations will likely start flooding in — and you may suddenly realize you haven’t chatted idly to a stranger at a party for well over a year. After a year in isolation, 38% of Americans are worried about being unable to make small talk when it’s safe to get together and 34% feel they’ve become more awkward in the past year, according to a survey by Evite in conjunction with OnePoll. But post-pandemic conversations don’t all have to be about the weather.
Can’t remember how to make small talk to save your life? “There is a learning curve now around reentering society and doing things again that once felt normal, but now may very much feel abnormal,” therapist Heidi McBain LMFT LPC tells Bustle.
But everybody is in the same boat, which may help you feel more comfortable. Social belonging is really important to humans, behavioral scientist Jon Levy, author of You’re Invited: The Art & Science Of Cultivating Influence, tells Bustle. “Exile or solitary confinement or the biggest punishments we can give people, and we lived in that for more than a year.” Your struggle isn’t unique, and it will take time to refresh your social skills.
In the meantime, here are some conversational training wheels to get you started at that first in-person dinner party.
8
Share Strategies On Getting Back Out There
Hit two birds with one stone. ‘What’s your best tip on figuring out small talk these days?’ is a neat way to combine two things: asking for advice and acknowledging that Social Time Is Mega Difficult Right Now.
9
Ask About Post-COVID Plans
Everybody’s got ‘em — whether it’s finally going to Paris once the COVID pandemic eases, or just seeing their newborn niece for the first time. This risks running into sad territory, so be prepared if people start telling you about the things they’ve missed.
10
Point Out Something Around You
If you don’t know your conversation partner at all, talk about things in your shared space, Gillian Sandstrom, a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Essex, advised the Washington Post. See a dog? A puzzle? Hikers? Draw attention to them.
11
Go For Anecdotes Of Your Own Silliness
Finding it hard to draw on anything useful to connect with someone? Levy suggests using something called “the pratfall effect.”
“People who are gentle, bumbling fools — that is actually what makes them appealing,” he says. “When you drop papers or spill coffee, you’re rated as more likable.” Self-deprecate about your silliest moment — did you walk into a pole at the vaccination clinic? — and you’ll seem charming and open.
12
Do An Activity Together
Levy says a really good way to start conversations uses something called “the Ikea effect”. “We disproportionately care about our Ikea furniture because we had to assemble it, so we need to find shared activities that require joint effort.” If you’re playing a game on the same team, preparing a meal, or doing any kind of joint activity that involves working together, you can bond rapidly.
13
Ask About What’s Giving Them Joy
Everybody has gone through a tough 12 months, experts tell Bustle, so it’s good to keep things really light on your first social encounter. ‘What’s a thing that’s making you really happy lately?’ is a good start. Have your own answer ready, even if it’s just ‘looking at art restoration videos online’.
14
Offer To Help
If you don’t know what to do at a party, do what your mother always told you: find somebody doing something, and offer to help. It’s an activity you can share together, plus you can chat about what you’re doing as a natural introduction to conversation.
15
Pick From A Handy List Of Go-To Topics
If you’re really running dry and worry about standing there gaping, have a list handy of things you’d like to chat about. Maybe you’ve got really into old movies, or want to know about which podcast you should listen to, or are collecting old family recipes. There’s no shame in prepping before social time to make sure you feel comfortable.
Experts:
Therapist Heidi McBain LMFT LPC
Behavioral scientist Jon Levy, author of You’re Invited: The Art & Science Of Cultivating Influence
This article was originally published on