Life
10 Reasons Why Life Isn't About Being Certain
I used to be all but addicted to knowing things "for sure." I wouldn't do anything if I didn't know "for sure" that it was what I was "supposed" to be doing or that it would work out in the end, and I think most people are this way without realizing it. Think about the things most of us collectively struggle with: Are we accepted by others? Do we look the way we "should"? Are we doing what's "best"? Are we in the "right" relationship? Et cetera. It's like we don't want to try unless we know the risk is minimized, but in seeking certainty we're actually keeping ourselves from having what it is that's actually right for us.
Someone told me this recently: "It's not about being sure, it's about trying anyway." And honestly, it left me awestruck how simple and obvious and yet absolutely closed I was to this idea. I couldn't help but think of all the intense emotional turmoil that I could have saved myself had I realized that most of what I've struggled with in my life is trying to paint a picture that contorts reality into something I'm more comfortable with, yet the comfort I was seeking was just a matter of accepting that the things that are "right" and "meant to be" are never the things you're certain about beforehand, but the things you simply try to do because you feel called to them.
Trying To Be Certain Is Mostly Just Trying To See If The Image Of Something Fits With What You Think You Want It To Be
You only know what you've known. The dreams you have and the ideas of what's "right" are mostly just what you decided would be good in the past. Seeking certainty in some kind of cosmic, existential "knowing" is just trying to see if your old ideas about something will align with your new reality of it. Basically, it's just your way of having a sounding board for yourself.
What's "Right" For You Isn't Something You Decide, It's Something You Create
You don't just wake up, decide something is "right" for you, and then discover that it is and all is well and good in the world. You wake up and you try something new. You have a hunch. You follow it. You can probably recall many times in your life when you were convinced something was "right" for you, but you ended up realizing you couldn't have been more wrong.
Life Does Not Unfold In A Straight Line
You can't expect to only do the things that are "right." You can't just follow what's fearless and emotionless and pre-prescribed. If you think that your life should unfold without twists and turns and detours, you're in for a rough ride, because you'll confuse helpful, miraculous re-directs with simply being lost.
You Probably Don't Know What You Want Anyway
You know what you used to want. You know what you used to think to be ideal. You know what sounds nice, or paints a nice picture, but ultimately the only way to figure out whether or not you want something is by trying to do it and seeing how you feel.
We Don't Know How To Be Comfortable In Uncertainty, Which Is A Problem, Because The Other Side Of Uncertainty Is Potential
We think that uncertainty equals "wrongness" and that it's not good to be uncertain, but in reality, if we shifted our perception ever so slightly, we'd find that what some people call doubt is actually potential that you're choosing to be afraid of. It means that there are limitless possibilities rather than stringent, pre-determined outcomes that you may not have even wanted in the first place.
What's "Meant To Be" Is Not Something You "Figure Out," It's Something You Realize After The Fact
It's not something you realize once you've found enough evidence or amassed as many "signs." It's just something that is because it's happening. It doesn't necessarily always align with what you think it should be, and the problem is more in the belief that the only good things are pre-determinedly "meant for you" rather than something you discover by being present.
The Things That Are Most "Right" For You Will Make You Feel More Uncomfortable Than Not
The things that are actually right for you (the job that best utilizes your abilities, the relationship in which you best jive) won't make you feel comfortable all of the time, and that's another huge misconception that leads to a lot of pain: We have the subconscious belief that the things that are "right" for us are "right" because they're easy, not because they are manifestations of what we really desire or need or want (which are rarely, honestly, easy or fearless).
Your Life Actually Moves Forward When You Let Yourself Experience What You Didn't Plan For
The best things that will happen to you are the ones you didn't expect, and your life truly moves ahead when you don't plan for it to — that's when you're most in the moment, making decisions from the self you are now, free of the illusions you strapped your mind-set to at the get-go.
The Desire For Certainty Is Ultimately A Fear Of Your Emotions
If you're seeking certainty, you're seeking the most foolproof way to live your life, one that ensures you don't have to feel discomfort by eliminating as much potential for failure as you can. But you're going to fail regardless, because failure is inevitable, and the idea that it isn't is a delusion that will ultimately hurt you much more in the long run.
The Only Thing You Can Ever Truly Be Certain Of Is Whether Or Not You're In The Moment, Appreciating What You Have, While You Have It
There is really no way to be certain of whether or not a job will work out or a partner will be best suited for you. There are ways to have an idea of whether or not those things will work out, but not certainty. If you keep seeking knowing rather than doing, you'll never actually have any of it because you'll just be holding yourself back from the natural process rather than diving in and doing what's inevitable: Figuring it out along the way.
