How Many Men Do You Kiss Before The One?

I don't know who conducts studies like this, or why we seem to think they deserve to be called studies, but here goes: A new "study" finds that the average woman will kiss 15 men and have two serious relationships before she finds "The One." So, let me do the math, I will find the one in about...seven kisses ago. Is it seven? You really expect me to keep track of these things? And damn it, who was guy number 16? Was he the one I danced with while out on my birthday who used to much tongue? You're telling me "The One" uses too much tongue? That is just really unfair. If only I had KNOWN!

But wait! He can't be the one because this study says the average woman will also fall in love and be heartbroken twice before meeting "The One." And I have not been in love twice. In fact, I haven't been in love ever, unless you count being in love with guacamole. And Tyrion Lannister on Game of Thrones . So now I'm confused, because neither of those has ever broken my heart. So will I reconnect with too much tongue boy after my two requisite heartbreaks? Will he have become a better kisser by then?

In all seriousness, this "study" is really weird. Apparently it was commissioned as part of the paperback release of The Rosie Project , a bestselling novel about one man's quest to find the perfect wife. Author Graeme Simsion says the study is meant to be "a reminder that the path to finding a life partner can be a long and rocky one — and indeed is for most of us." Which is actually a very nice sentiment. But it's sort of negated by the fact that this makes it seem there is some sort of average trajectory to these things. Because that is just not true.

Though, it is interesting how similar the numbers for men and women are. The only major difference is in the number of sexual partners: seven for women, ten for men. So maybe there's a moral in that somewhere?

Overall, it might be best if we all just stop using the phrase "The One" at all. Because how do you define "The One" anyway? The person you marry? And if you happen to get divorced and remarried, is he "The New One" or "The Two"? Maybe we just retroactively revoke the first husband's "The One" status. There has to be a form you can fill out for that. And while we're filling out forms, maybe I can request to expunge too much tongue guy from my kissing record just to make sure he is NOT "The One."

Other highlights of the study's findings on pre-"The One" life include: women will be cheated on once; cheat on their partner once; go on two blind dates; have one long distance relationship; live with one partner; and have four one night stands. So wherever you may fall in all of that, I wish you all the best in predicting your future. And as you know, the faster you check things off your list, the faster you'll meet the love of your life.