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The 'Downton Abbey' Premiere's 12 Most Delicious Zingers

Woof. That was one emotionally draining return to Downton Abbey, wasn't it? Don't get me wrong, the acting was never better, the writing poetic, the costumes to die for, and the downstairs staff as charming as ever. Downton is ever so welcome back. Still, do you think they make a life-sized Mr. Carson pillow for having a good cry into? If not, get on that, merchandising team.

Amidst the Lady Mary turmoil, poor Mr. Molseley's sad attempts to get back on his feet, Daisy's fake (ish) admirer, awful Nanny West and the tragic story of Carson's lost love and best friend betrayal, there were actually some lighter moments. Perhaps even moments, to dare I suggest, LOL. Here are Bustle's favorite zingers, one-liners, sick burns, and disses from last night's long-awaited season premiere.

by Rachel Semigran

“Sneaking off like a thief in the night. That’s O’Brien to a tee.” — Lord Grantham

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On Edith’s suitor, “He’s not bad looking and he’s still alive, so that puts him ahead of most men of our generation.” — Lady Mary

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To a grumpy Lord Grantham, “When you talk like that i’m tempted to ring for Nanny and have you put to bed with no supper.” — Violet

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On Thomas:

“She mistook you for a servant?” — Bates

“Isn’t he?” — Daisy

“Don’t tell him that, he’ll never get over the shock.” — Bates

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To Mrs. Crawley, “Just because you’re an old widow, that’s no excuse to eat off a tray.” — Violet

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“Prison was an education.” – Bates

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After spilling her perfume, “Now the room’s going to smell like a tart’s boudoir.” — Lady Mary

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“We are selling Mosely to Mrs. Shackleton.” — Violet

“You mean as a servant?” — Cora

“No, as a Chinese laundryman.” — Violet

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“We shout and scream and wail and cry but in the end we must all die.” — Carson

“Well that’s cheered me up.” — Mrs. Hughes

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“Compared to Papa, you’re a famous chef. Really, he can’t boil a kettle. If the servants left, he’d be found in a passage dead with his arms stretched out looking for the kitchen.” — Lady Edith

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“It concerns Mr. Molesley the younger.” — Bates

“You make him sound like a Greek philosopher.” — Violet

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“Nothing’s as changeable as a young man’s heart. Take hope and a warning from that.” — Mrs. Patmore

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