As much as I hate to admit it, I've never been one of those women with an impeccable underwear drawer. My brassiere collection mainly consists of a couple of fancy numbers in and around my old favorites, but it definitely doesn't include a strapless bra.
Sure, I totally understand the lure of the strapless bra. With one of them, you can wear strapless dresses and tops to your heart's content and possibly even get away with sporting a cut-out garment, depending on where the cut-outs are located. You'd think a strapless bra would be a girl's best friend, right? Personally, I highly recommend you step away from the strapless style and go for an alternative brassiere choice instead. For me, strapless bras are like the toxic one-night-stands of the lingerie world. They promise you the world, initially complimenting you and your outfit choice. But then — when you've had one margarita too many — they chew you up and spit you out, leaving you in a big mess wondering what went wrong. (Or is that just me?)
It took me a long time to break up with strapless bras, but here are just a few reasons why I will never wear a strapless bra again.
1. They Never, Ever Stay Put
If you fancy spending your entire day, night, or special event hoisting up your strapless bra and the garment that it is supposed to be holding up, then be my guest. From my previous experiences, I have found that spending the whole time running to the toilet, keeping my arms folded, or dancing with my hands in my armpits really puts a downer on the occasion.
2. You’re Constantly On Edge Waiting For Them To Slip
Even if it’s not slipped, you’ll spend your whole night worrying about it slipping. I have yet to meet a strapless bra that didn’t fall down. Plus, it’s kind of inevitable with gravity and all. Sometimes the waiting in suspense is worse than the actual event.
3. If You Have Small Boobs, You Have No Chance In Hell Of Them Staying Up Without Assistance
As a lady with a small rack, I found I could never fill the cups of a strapless bra. The ones of my youth were always moulded into a perfectly round boob shape and they usually came without padding, which I always wore. Insecure teenage me would be left feeling like I had the smallest boobies in existence. Nowadays, I’ve grown to love my small boobs, but I’ve yet to come across a strapless bra that actually fits and complements my little lady lumps. Although I can't speak for the big-boobed ladies of the world, I imagine the slipping is only exacerbated further when your ta-tas are above a C cup.
4. They Never Look Like They Do On The Models
Back in the days when I was unaware of the realities of wearing a strapless bra, I would imagine myself as a voluptuous model wearing one and starring in the lingerie store posters of my favorite stores. These strapless bra-wearing sirens always seemed so carefree, happy, and sexy. I thought, if strapless bras could really make your life so much easier and fun, I needed to get one, too. My reality did not live up to my expectations in the slightest, though, and my dreams of wearing strapless dresses and halter neck tops with ease were shattered.
5. A Basic Strapless Bra Can Cost The Same As A "Normal" One
So you have to make a choice. You want to purchase a foxy and strapless new mini dress. Do you go for the decadent lacy brassiere that you can wear underneath your trusty LBD (straps showing) or take a chance with a nude strapless bra that looks like something your granny would've worn in the ‘50s? From my experiences, both will cost you the same. But the former can be worn time and time again with multiple styles, and sans the self-consciousness.
6. They Look Awesome In The Store, But Not IRL
Like all brands, lingerie stores are supposed to make their products look appealing so people will buy them. However, I always think strapless bras should be seen on mannequins rather than on hangers or in a drawer. On a hanger, strapless bras have so much perceived potential: You can imagine how they will support your boobs and (at least in my warped teen mind) hope they'll make your ta-tas look bigger. In a drawer, a strapless bra screams luxury and can charm you with its promise of making your bra collection entirely complete. Everyone has a strapless bra, right?
But sadly, when you try it on at home or in the changing room, you'll probably be left with the sour taste of disappointment and betrayal in your mouth. You can never trust that sales assistant who looks like a Disney princess ever again.
7. Stick-On Bras Do The Same Job, But A Million Times Better
For me, a stick-on bra will always trump a strapless one. It does the same job but has no annoying back straps. Plus, it will stay where it's supposed to stay. Granted, stick-on bras only have so much stickiness, but if you only wear them once in a blue moon and look after them well, they could end up lasting you quite some time. Once I tried a stick-on bra, I never wore a strapless one again.
I finally found my silicone knight in shining armor.
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