Life

The Week In Sex News

by Maria Yagoda

This week's sex news was all about Canadians, airplanes, and the things some Canadians do on airplanes. Let's take a look.

1. CANADIANS ON A PLANE

Maybe Britney's "Toxic" music video made you think having sex on a plane was a good idea. But tragically, in the real world, there are repercussions for this kind of behavior. Two Canadian lovers were arrested for engaging in sex acts on a recent Air Canada flight. While details regarding the nature of the act are not yet available, Halifax RCMP spokesman Scott MacRae says it wasn’t intercourse, and that they had their clothes on, though some of the clothing was open. “People were not naked by any means," he emphasized.

2. TINDER FOR AIRPLANES

In other airplane-related sex news, a new Tinder-style app called Wingman, launching in two to three months, will connect you “with attractive people on your flight, all before you touch down.” Translation: Airplane sex, airplane sex, airplane sex. Apparently, the app will give you the seat numbers and final destinations of the people you “connect with.” “The idea is to start interesting conversations in unique situations, and simply see what happens,” a spokesperson for Wingman says. Ha.

3. BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN "SAVES HIMSELF"

On Sunday, Sean Lowe from the Bachelor — a born-again virgin at the ripe age of 30 — married Catherine Guidici, 27, on television. He proclaimed to have “saved himself” for his wedding night, despite having already had sex, proving that Jesus won't count it if you don't. “There’s no pressure on my end,” he said. "I’m going to perform masterfully."

4. SEXY STATE OF THE UNION

Joe Biden's sultry smile wasn’t the only sexy part of Thursday’s State of the Union Address. Alex Castellanos, a political consultant and CNN commentator, said the following in regards to Obama’s address: “I think a speech by Barack Obama is a lot like sex; the worst there ever was is still excellent. I thought he gave a competent performance tonight." I respect the sentiment, but Alex, bad sex is never excellent.

5. PLAYSTATION PORN

Apparently, gaming console chat rooms are not exactly wholesome hangouts. A Russian couple broadcasted 20 minutes of sexual intercourse through a chat room (known as Playroom) on PlayStation4. Over 1,000 people, many of whom probably just wanted to learn cheats for Backgammon Blitz or whatever the kids are playing these days, saw the sexy footage. One commenter who found himself in the re-purposed chat room wrote: “Porn causes harm to all of us, including those who have never seen any, on many levels.”

6. OVERSEXED EDUCATION

For the first time ever, ratings will be applied to sexual education videos, thanks to a league of overbearing parents who’ve found the videos' depictions of sex to be highly inappropriate. The movement began after a sex-ed video aired on Channel 4 that depicted a cartoon couple naked in a bedroom, playfully chasing each other around with feathers. The British Board of Film Classification will soon decide if these educational videos should be considered PG. Teachers took issue with kinky feather games, likening the videos to child pornography and criticizing the message that “sex is fun and something for children and teenagers to be excited by.”

7. SECRET SEX TAPES

Husband/wife sex video taping team Curtis and Erica Beck, have been surreptitiously videotaping sexual encounters around California. Here’s how the sting works: Erica goes online, under the name “Joy,” and makes plans to meet men for casual, consensual sex somewhere. When they have sex, Erica/Joy secretly films the romp. She’s in cahoots with her husband, who is remarkably chill with all of this. Why do they do this? Completely unclear.

8. BIRTHDAY SEX

The Canadians are dominating the sex game this week. Canadian porn star Heidi Van Horny wants to have sex with 23 men to celebrate her upcoming 23rd birthday. Over 500 people have applied to participate in the orgy. Ms. Van Horny is currently in the process of selecting qualified candidates.

Image: Isla Murray/Bustle