Entertainment
Miley Cyrus' "Bangerz" Meets Sochi Olympic Figure Skating Costumes
Miley Cyrus has officially kicked off her kicked off her Bangerz tour, and it's shaping up to be a cross between a possessed Hundred Acre Wood and an LSD-flavored guide to cultural appropriation and self-objectification. While she has the music, the backup dancers, and Rolf's hair from The Sound of Music, Cyrus is missing one crucial ingredient that will take her from shocking to truly show-stopping: figure skating costumes from the Sochi Olympics. Once she has incorporated these costumes into her show, Miley will truly be able to shoot for gold every night. At the moment, however, she seems more inclined to roll in cash on the floor.
So, what role will these figure skating costumes play? Not only will they enable Cyrus to grind and gyrate for hours without worrying about a wardrobe malfunction, they will endow her with the sweat and passion of their Olympian owners. Think of it as the Sisterhood of the Traveling Unitard. Cyrus alone will be able to bridge the gap between the international allure of the Olympics and the down-home draw of pelvic thrusting. Why else would she kick off her tour in Vancouver, the site of the last Winter Olympics? Clearly, the Bangerz agenda will only be completed with a shipment of gently used figure skating costumes. Let us take a look, then, at which costumes Cyrus should wear with each of her iconic songs.
Images: Getty Images
Elena Ilinykh's Black Swan Costume
Cyrus could up the class factor in her opening performance of “SMS (Bangerz),” which follows her sliding out of her own gaping mouth on a giant tongue. She could cash in on the cultural connotations in Natalie Portman’s fragile Black Swan by symbolically pointing out how the entertainment industry eats up young talent and spits it out again, through the mouths of the performers themselves. Heady stuff, but she’s just being Miley.
Meryl Davis' Scheherazade Costume
Not only could Cyrus steal this look from Davis, she could even replicate the move itself with a giant shark as Charlie White. This costume, created to honor the heroine of the classic tale One Thousand and One Nights, would go perfectly with Cyrus’ “Adore You.” Imagining that her paranoid husband will execute her if she does not continue to entertain him lends a whole new dimension to the song and the concert experience as a whole.
Nelli Zhiganshina's Paris Hilton Costume
Yes, the Germans decided to send Paris Hilton and a nerdy professor out on the ice. Cyrus may already have this costume in her wardrobe, come to the think of it. Nonetheless, the roles can be flipped so that, in this costume, Paris is Cyrus and the nerdy professor is Uncle Terry. Pair it with “Love, Money, Party” and you’ve got professional voyeurism on lock.
Nathalie Pechalat's Smaug Costume
I may not know the song that Pechalat and her fellow Frenchman Fabian Bourzat performed to, but I do know a fire-breathing dragon costume when I see one. I truly would love to see Cyrus performing a re-vamped version of “Wrecking Ball,” one with the lyrics:
“You came in like an Oakenshield/ You snuck right into Erebor/ All you wanted was the Arkenstone/ All you ever did was sneak like a thief”
All you ever did was wreck me
Yakov Godorozha's Raggedy Andy Costume
When I saw this costume, I immediately know that Cyrus could use it to flesh out the country feel of “4x4.” Also, someone desperately needs to teach Godorozha to twerk. It is his God-given right.
Brian Joubert's Too-Hot-To-Handle Costume
In this lava-inspired number, Cyrus will be able to borrow Frenchman Joubert’s ability to melt the ice with passion. This top screams, “I’mma do my thang,” if your thang is to embody an active volcano.
