What's Up With Miley's Battle Wounds?

In this morning's edition of "surprising, but WTF," we've got something hardcore. Hardcore, as in Miley Cyrus has Instagrammed bruises on her ass. Oh, and these are not bruises, like, "hey! I dance hard and fell! Look what happened, sad emoji." This is an oddly prideful post.

Odd, but not surprising. This woman got a sad kitty tattooed on the inside of her lip less than a week ago (and Instagrammed it, naturally), and don't even get me started on the imaginary animals on the Bangerz Tour.

However, boasting about your bruised ass with a caption that says "#fuckyeahtampa yasss that's a bruise on my arssss" is slightly more... provocative territory, shall we say? I will not even broach the topic of her "trending objects." On her photo, she uses a hashtag followed by a heart emoji, a dollar sign emoji, a party popper emoji, a sun, a tongue, and a skull. I don't even know what to do with all that.

There's also one other thing of note in this overtly-sexual pic: Miley is grabbing her crotch. Her hand is on her lady parts. Now, I'm no prude, and I'm an advocate of women becoming comfortable with their sexuality, but the crotch is... an odd place to put one's hand for a highly publicized pic. Did she have to pee and was trying to (literally) hold it in? Did she want to hide it from someone?

While we all may have an unyielding urge to speculate about the origin of the bruises (sex? bears? imaginary animals?), they likely came from her high-impact tour (in which case, imaginary animals are a viable answer). It would be nice and refreshing to see a post by Ms. Cyrus that was more along the lines of "#bruisesonmyass #bangerztour," but that would be too straight-forward, now wouldn't it.

Image: mileycyrus/Instagram